Toddler: " I like to use a boat to wash my hair and sometimes ducks."

The look of the oppressed.

Today the 2 1/2 year old was attempting to set up camp in the middle of the kitchen floor. She had a large blanket spread out and was about to bring all her gear (despite the fact that the entire living room is dedicated to her toy's) when I stopped her.

"Please don't spread the blanket on the kitchen floor." In my most reasonable tone of voice.

"Why?" (Hey who the F*** are you man.)

Then she gives me this look of the eternally oppressed. (My people have been suffering for years. I must have the blanket and all my stuff here.)

I reapeted my request again, she replied: " No, I want it here."

I tried logic next. "you have the whole living room to play in, take it in there." Then without a word the ten-year-old walks in and says to the toddler "Hey you can use this as a cape." Problem solved, the blanket comes off the floor, toddler runs out of the room as a super hero.

Beat Dad.

Beat Dad.

So, after two months with my wife home she has gone back to work and things are "normal" at home. The house stays dirty, the kids's diapers don't get changed and I don't get dressed and nobody complains.

Parenting: More Fun Than A Night Club With A Barrell O Monkeys

Charlie is almost two months old and man, am I sleepy.

He smiles now , it is not just gas, he looks at us grins and coos.

Now we are juggling two younger children and the needs of a ten year old boy who is trying to figure out algebra and have a good time.

It is easy for me sometimes to resort to fantsizing that I stopped after the oldest was born and imagine all the things that I could be doing in a couple with one part time kid. (I coulda' bin a sta) Oh well.

My wife and I went out on a date a week ago to see Rev. Billy C. Wirtz...now..ok yer saying. A date wow.... This is a big deal. We did not leave the 2 year old with a sitter until she was 2, the sitter was my mom. We left Chuckles with a sitter at the ripe old age of 6 weeks. The sitter in this case was not remotely related (not entirely true, we come from the same town and the same religion) Anyway DW(dear wife) commented, that it is a shame that we have been living in the SF Bay area for six years and have not gone out to many shows. We have been busy having kids, which is energy sapping and financially intensive.

We could have gone to all kinds of shows if we had stuck with the part-time parent model.

A Trip To Salt Lake City

(This is Grandeur Peak. I used to hike to the top of this, then get all introspective, go home and listen to the Cure.)
(The Mountains and valley are tilted, a bit, more than I remember them being but still just as beautiful)

No, we did not go there to ski. Just thought I would get that out of the way just in case you were wondering.

A couple of weeks ago, the wife and I rented a van and packed the three kids into it ,with our stuff and hurdled ourselves across Nevada. It took us about thirteen hours to get to Salt Lake City, we did this with only a couple of melt-downs and no snow storms. ( but a strong blizzard is a great way to make a long trip more exciting.)

It is always a bit strange for me to go back to Salt Lake City (I lived there for 28 years and have only been away for 7). It is like when you go to your parents house and find your old room partially remodeled or same decor and mom is using it as an office. Every time I go back I expect it to have remained the same as when I left, only to find that there have been drastic changes.

The other difficulty is that I never really wanted to leave. Several of our trips there have included talk of moving there. The housing prices are lower than the Bay areas and the schools are in better shape, so there are good reasons to move there but the reality is that we will not be moving there.

Sleep is for WHIMPS!

(or people without newborn children)

Utah and Mormon Culture.

I hope that my title did not scare anyone away. This is not a rant per se, I am not about to complain about someone else's culture but have to get this off my chest, I grew up Mormon in Utah so this is about my culture.

An L.D.S. ( Latter Day Saint: Mormon) friend of my wifes lent us a made for Mormons by Mormons, movie titled Singles Ward. I watched it with a certain amount of trepidation; it would not be funny, I would have to explain all the jokes to my wife, it would be too much like what they show in church.

I was surprised at how funny it actually was. The director really had a good time with Mormon cultural norms, without making fun of church doctrine and without a bunch of jokes about its polygamous past. The funniest part of the movie, for me was when the main character has a "spiritual"(spirchtal: in Utah speak) epiphany and begins to "bare his testimony" when his three friends (who provide most of the comic relief throughout the film) interrupt him with " who are you talking to" and " you were starting to sound like a seminary video." (every Mormon kid in high school is expected to spend part of their day in religious instruction, taught by church approved teachers.)

Being able to bare witness to the belief that the LDS church's teachings are true, in most Mormons stories, is a climactic moment. That the film maker was able to lightly mock that particular moment in this characters story was nothing short of amazing to me.

Despite these moments and jabs at Mormon culture, deep down it was a pretty typical Mormon story. A guy, who has grown up in the Mormon church, falls into inactivity after divorcing his wife. (The ex wife , a convert, decides she has had enough, leaves him and the church.) He ends up meeting a beautiful Mormon woman and is compelled through "sexual attraction" ( Women in the church stories are always portrayed as being much purer than the men.) to come back to the fold. He resists a little but eventually sees the truth has an epiphany and comes back. He, of course, "marries" is sealed to the woman who has managed through love, purity, perseverance ,not to mention the best looking woman in the singles ward, to bring the wayward son back. Mormons love this story and is not to surprising that these Mormon movie pioneers used it as a vehicle.

How non-Mormons in the movie are portrayed was what bothered me the most. They basically spent their time smoking, drinking beer, and laughing at Mormons. The sentiment seemed to be that the only reason to leave the church or to remain a non-member was so you could do what you want; as if non-members are a bunch of perpetual teenagers smoking and drinking because ruining their bodies is really what they want. This stereotype is not so surprising, I remember while growing up that if I saw someone smoking I immediately assumed that they were lost and possibly evil. This rule applied to people who I spotted buying beer or going into a bar, since I never did see anyone actually drinking alcohol, I had to assume that they were partaking of those insidious beverages that were forbidden to me.

This typical, non-Mormon stereotype, is another way that Mormons are able to support their beliefs. If you have fallen away from the church, it is because you don't want to give your time to God and would rather spend that time on more worldly pursuits. Never mind that plenty of former Mormons leave for philosophical reasons and not always because they would prefer beer over worshiping God. (If it were just about beer for me I would have gone back years ago.)

If you don't know anything about Utah-Mormon culture many of the jokes won't make sense but it is a good look at what the culture is like. If you are an ex-Mormon you may find yourself laughing one moment then rolling your eyes the next.

Poster Children for re-production.

My daughter with her infectious grin, probably getting ready to attack me.






My two sun's.

Controversy anyone?

Warning this post conatains strong opinions.

I read in the paper yesterday the description of the Right to Life march in SF; As usual a bunch of people from outside the bay area trying to show those heathens in SF that they are out numbered.

The organizer of the march had asked that the marchers keep the gory photos home and to please tone down the rhetoric. So, the "right to lifers" are trying to appear moderate instead of like raging lunatics who in their religious fervor like to kill "killers." Maybe that comment wasn't fair. I tend to believe that, most people who would like to see abortion criminalized, really are quite peaceful and probably would be more comfortable being percieved as moderate and not lunatics.

But by wanting a complete ban on abortion does not put them in a moderate category, the moderate veiw is pro-choice. Yes, pro-choicers are the moderates. Pro-choice does not equal pro abortion or anti- child or anti life. Pro-choice means you give people the freedom to decide what is right for the situation they are in.

If Jack and Diane, who are no more than eighteen, get pregnant, Jack should do his best to support Diane while she carries the child. They should work together and make a decision that will work for them like adoption or raising the child together. Unless Jack raped Diane, or Dianes life is at risk. Then and only then should Abortion be an option. If Diane thought about getting an abortion and asked my opinion, I would tell her that I think it is a bad idea. The two women I know who have had abortions look at it as the worst thing they have ever done.

It would be great if every woman who becomes pregnant does so, when the pregnancy is desired, and if it is un-planned could make a choice that spares the life of the child. If they do decide on Abortion then they should be able to get it in a clean safe environment. And access to counseling afterward. Despite any one else's opinions.;


What makes my stance pro-choice is that I don't think my personal beleifs about abortion should become law. If you really want to end abortion, education is what is needed.

It is almost three weeks since the new one came into the outside world and I have been comparing him to his older sister almost constantly. It is inevitable I suppose, I compared everything she did to her older brother or rather I compared my experience with the older boy with raising the girl.

Already at three months I can see the differences of personality, he is a calmer person, we could see that while we were still in the hospital. He did not cry when the nurses came to check him. Infact, one nurse took him from me when he was sleeping, placed him in the bassinet changed his diaper and checked his temperature; he did not even yawn, his eyes stayed closed. When they did that to the girl she was absolutley livid.

Resolved

I set out a couple of weeks ago to blog about my wifes ongoing pregnancy. I hadn't given it enough attention, I felt, and it was in it's final weeks.

I would have written about how anxious we were about having it all be over. (not ALL of the big it, just the pregnancy) But it was the holidays my mother was here and there were the kids to keep busy shoveling manure. Any way as the last week dragged on towards the end of the year, it was all to obvious that we were not going to have another tax break for 2005, I decided that I would write a list of non-resolutions.

The first on my list was greet my child sometime after the new year... and that was the last resolution. He was born on Monday the second of January. Thankfully there is no more pregnancy to write about.

Waiting.

At 3:00 am my wife anounced to me that she was having contractions; I bolted upright in bed and began timing them, they were four minutes apart. Considering the speed at which our daughter came into the world when she was born, (about 186,000 mps) we figured that this was it, that this pregnancy would end as quickly.

We called our support people who had to drive in from out of town; after that, as we predicted, her contractions slowed down to point that she was having mild contractions, that she could feel, once an hour.

Later, after the support people showed up, the midwife wanted my wife to have her blood pressure checked. So, at about one o'clock we went to the hospital to have it checked. The midwife said that if it was high we would have her induced. After about two hours and three different blood tests, it was judged that my wife and baby were fine and the labor was normal. We were sent home.

Now, the wife is racked with guilt that we called our friends at o'dark thirty and asked one to drive for two-and-a- half hours, the other for an hour and a-half; she is frustrated that we had too ask my mom to change her flight, so she could stay and very frustrated that the baby is still inside her and not outside her where I can share the burden.

So, we are stalled right now but enjoying the company of friends, who care enough to give up their time to watch the baby and sit with my wife. I am equally grateful to my mom, who is the dedicated grandmother to thirteen grandkids for staying for an extra few days.

Everything and everybody is ready except the Baby.

Albums

A couple of the other Dad Bloggers have posted either their favorite albums or albums that changed their lives. I like this idea so, I will give it a go.

1) Diver Down by Van Halen
I actually bought this on vinyl at the Grand Central store down the street. I loved Eddie Van Halen's guitar playing, they were my favorite band during my early teens. I owned it just as much for the music as to impress my friends.

2) Erasure- I can't remember the name of the album, but my buying it and liking it was nothing short of controversial amongst my neighborhood friends, who approved of my two album Van halen collection. Going from rock to synth-pop reflected a change which I thought of, at the time, as sophistication. From there I started to listen to Depeche Mode, Yaz, New Order etc.

3) The Cure- The Head on the Door. I heard this album in it's entirety on a local SLC radio station. I was home alone and it was late; for some reason the radio was not getting great reception so, I listened to it through the static. The next day I had to ride the bus all the way downtown to find it because the local K-mart did not carry obscure bands like the Cure.
Though I still liked synth bands, from this point my tastes started to get darker.

4) The Mission U.K.- Children This band was formed by the guitarist for the Sisters of Mercy. The lyrics, I can't recall that well but the music comes from the Led Zepplin book of rock music (Houses of the Holy) This is not surprising, their producer was John Paul Jones.

5) Bauhaus- Press the Eject and Give me the Tape. I bought this because of the song Kick In the Eye. I was a senior in high school, it was 1989, I went to a school that was filled with suburban red necks. The school was fairly cliqueish, though the stoners, metal heads and the little group of prog rock kids all hung out together, so the cowboys couldn't intimidate us. Still, I was pretty angry and listening to this really seemed to calm me down. This album has "Bela Legosi's Dead" possibly the campiest song ever written and a rocking version of "Ziggy Stardust." (My wife insists that Ziggy Stardust is supposed to be a ballad. Yes, if it is part of the Ziggy Stardust Album. I think it works just as well sped up with more distortion)

6) The Waterboys-Fishermans Blues. This is filled with great songs, "Bang on the ear" to Riding in a strange Boat. It really represents the first time I listened to any music that included un- plugged instruments and songs that could possibly be classified as country. It really was the Mandolin on some of the songs that did it.

7) Cowboy Junkies- Black Eyed Man. My girlfriend and I had been together for about three years and had come to a point where it was time to split up. I bought this album because I had heard "Murder in the Trailer Park" and liked the imagery; little did I know, when I bought it, how dark some of their other songs were and how much Margo Timmins voice would sustain me over the hundreds of miles that I would drive after the break up. Also worth mentioning other albums that contributed to my soundtrack at this point, were: Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine and Downward Spiral; The Jesus and Mary Chain- Psycho Candy; Screaming Tree's- Uncle Anesthesia and Pearl Jam-Ten.

8)Jerry Garcia, David Grisman-Shady Grove. This was the first Folk album in my collection. I attended my first Blue Grass concert with my Gilfriend and her parents, (we went to see Hot Rize)- it was 1990- My girlfriend and I were the only people there who were wearing all black. I loved the whole show, they were wearing suits, all their instruments were acoustic and some of the songs had the same speed as a Ramones song, and some were as dark as a Cure song. From that point on, I listened to the blugrass show on the local public radio station, KRCL. I bought the album six years after I became a fan of Folk music.

It was David Grismans handling of the Mandolin that motivated me to buy it. It is a great album because they played so many old folk tunes, I remember listening to it constantly in the car, at home and at work. It represented a change because it was the first time I had willingly bought, an album that had Jerry Garcia on it; it totally changed my perception of him as a musician.(he had been dead two years by then. May he rest in peace) To me he stopped being this dried up musician from another generation but an actual musician.



9) The Submersians-Save the Cave Train. This album was significant to me for several reasons, it is the first album I own that is strictly instrumental (Surf). I used to pop it into my CD player after work on cold, snowy days, turn up the volume and roll my window down. In my car, I would imagine that I was walking along west cliff in Santa Cruz, watching the waves and the surfers. Also it is the only album that my friend Jessica plays guitar on and features the "hit" song Cape Lugosi a surf version of a popular Goth song. Surf music is straight ahead rock, no lyrics to mess up your head, just guitar riffs and drumming.

10) Last but not least Woody Guthrie- This Land is Your Land (the Asch Recordings). I bought this because of Woody Guthries straight forward guitar playing, his lack of rythm and ability to carry a tune and mainly to get a history lesson. He was a critic of the rich and powerful, politicians and the unpatriotic. Many of the songs on this album were written during the Dust Bowl (Do-Rei-Mi) and has three different versions of This Land is Your Land one inclding a lyric that was not taught to us in Elementary school " There was a sign there/that say's private property/ on the backside it didn't say nothin'/ that side was made for you and me."

I could go on and on, there are so many more I could talk about, that ten is plenty. There are many bands that I have liked for years but never got around to buying or listening to their music, until recently. For example, I always thought that the Beatles were a bit over rated until I heard the White Album, and Abbey Road; the Clash, I did not get into them until recently, they are probably the best band to come out of the British Punk scene. May Joe Strummer rest in peace.

Sometimes a great notion.

So, I had this well written, intelligent and witty posting about a current affair. I was in the middle of polishing it up to post for my adoring public, when...well how can I put this... reality, in the form of a neked two year old, came over and peeed on the floor. Then climbed up on my lap, jumped up and down then deleted everything I had written.

Now, instead of ground breaking opinion about current events, here is a blog about being a stay at home parent.

If you want to win that pulitzer or wow people with your writing, find a child free environment (Daddeeee I waant mmmy big girl pannnt....dadeeee uuuuaaaahhhh)

If only I had figured that out before I had kids.

Why?

The Toddler has reached that critical stage that all two-year-olds reach; the why stage. Her response to almost anything is why. She informed me, yesterday, that she would like an apple. I told her that I was very sorry to deny her request but I could not give her one. She, of course asked why. I told her that we did not have any apples. Well, if you have not guessed her next question, then you must have started reading in the middle of the paragraph. (it's ok i do it all the time) Yes, she asked why.

Wel,l I did the only logical thing in this situation, I said nothing. Rather than explain to her that we haven't been to the store to buy them, I thought it best to leave it there. My explaination to her question would have only lead to more why's and eventually I would have to explain evolution to her. Honestly, all questions lead to that or to the big bang theory, so it has to stop somwhere; why not where I can prove the answer?

All toddlers do this. When the Boy, who is nine, he did not just ask why, he would ask " but why daddy?" It was as if he was grappling with the deep questions of humanity.
I would get sucked in time and time again, to thinking he did want me to explain the theory of evolution or where God came from etc. But no it really was just a toddler ploy; he had figured out that why is as powerful as no, with a few extra words why is even more powerful.

My daughter does seem to be more practical than her brother though, she does not mess around with philosophy. If I tell her no, she may ask why but will not wait for the answer at all. She will try to get the thing herself, she pulls her high chair to the counter climb up and grab what she wants, and hold on to it while I wrestle it away.

The boy on the other hand is a born negotiator. He figured out at an early age that with some things, he can make me change my mind by convincing me that: 1) he will share with me 2) it is good for him. 3) I don't let him do it so, he should be able to (that ploy never works)

We have explained to him that if he is going to try to negotiate like an adult, then he needs to act more adult and use the proper language and methods. Then he will be free to negotiate that second glass of root beer, or extra ice cream.

No two kids are alike, even if they are in the same family.

I'm Dead

Well heck; I googled my name, clicked on images and found this headstone.

My wife is in the final month of pregnancy with our third and final child. She has high blood pressure, so she has had to spend most the last month in bed, after she comes home from work. This has been more than a little difficult for both of us. (I understand fully that what I am going through is nothing compared to what she is going through and I will never experience anything as uncomfrotable as a pregnancy.)

She goes to bed around seven o'clock, most of the time she takes the two-year-old to bed with her, which gives me a bit of a break. It is good to get a bit of a breather but most of the time I spend my evening trying to catch up on the housework. I don't get to see her, we have not spent any time together in the evening for months. s0, I get a bit bored and inevitably I spend a lot of time reading blogs, and other stuff on the internet.

My sob story is that I am just a little bit lonely these days.

A Tale of Hero Worship.

The toddler threw up a few minutes ago, a Her brother set her up on the couch with a bowl. His instructions to her were, "If you are going to puke, puke in the bowl." Now the two-year-old is running around the house coughing into the bowl and proclaiming "Kyle told me to puke in the bowl."

Conservatives.

Hey, I was serious about hearing from a non-liberal or from anyone for that matter. there must be someone who can give me a good reason for cutting Medicare, farm subsidies and student loans instead of raising taxes on the "rich"
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2005/11/03/national/w151735S07.DTL

Terrible Twos

My little girl is about 2 and half now and has pushed me to the brink of admitting, that the "Terrible Twos" as a stage, is real. I don't remember the boy going through a stage like this, sure, he had his moments but mostly he was a mellow dude.

What the girl does, is follow me around the house and tug at my pants, tries to rustle me to the ground and is constantly asking to be held . Are these bad things? You ask (sorry to put words in your mouth) Even now while I am writing this all important blog, she is crawling all over me.
Clearly, she is starting to realize that she is a separate person and not physically part of her mom and me.

The other behavior she is exhibiting is the one where she gets into things that I don't want her to get into and thinks it's a game when I tell her not to. This is much more irritating than the above behavior.

The real problem is that I do not interact with her enough, I need to adjust instead of expect her to "behave". Yes, it is true that when the house needs cleaning, I have to put her on hold but when what I am doing is not at all important I should give my time to her instead.