Carry On Abroad

We are two weeks into summer vacation now, and we have spent most of our time working in the yard. Our garden is huge and is putting out at least, a ton, (A TON!) of veggies. It is great since we have little to spend on food.

My natural reaction to my wife having time off is to travel. This year is no exception; but travel this year is less likely to happen, not just because of gas prices. We have our livestock to take care of, our garden and yard still needs maintaining and, well, the major thing for me is getting myself acclimatized to Eugene.

Yes, I am still a bit homesick for Utah, (many ex Utahans don't get this.....sometimes I don't either) I can't put my finger on "one" reason why I miss the place; still the fact that I miss it remains; I also miss the SF Bay area.

So, staying put is a pretty good idea for me. If I visit Utah it will just feed my malaise.

We were even planning a trip to Moab this year......sigh......
On another note, when I was looking for pictures of Moab, I found this NY Times travel article about Moab and its environs. Take a look at the slide show. Their photographer needs to get out more. From this slide show, one would think that the only thing to see in the entire area ,around Moab, is Delicate Arch....(I am rolling my eyes)....

Fathers Day

I knew , when I went to bed at 2:00 a.m., that Charlie would be up in five hours; he would not tolerate my sleeping much more than him. I knew, when my older son went to bed at 1:00 a.m. that staying up as late as he did, then sleeping late, he would wake up cranky; therefore moody and argumentative.

We don't really celebrate Fathers day or mothers day much. Mom does not get breakfast in bed, what she gets is a kiss on the cheek and a "Happy Mothers day." I get happy mothers day too, which I know has nothing to do with the givers gender confusion but with an acknowledgment of the type of work I do. (my equipment is what makes me dad and not mom)

I can't really expect much on fathers day. I can expect to have the same things expected of me that are expected me every day. Make breakfast and be ready to jump when something is requested of me.

What can I expect when we have all stayed up too late: I am depressed and whiny, my son argues with every suggestion I make, and my two year old, is, well, his normal bubbly, energetic, demanding, loud self.

So, I will slog through today and see if I can get a day off with my wife when school gets out.

Fun, Happy Marriages

One of my favorite "Happy " couples was on the Front page of the Vallejo Herald.

I know it is a big deal for them; when their daughter Lucy was born they had to go through tons of paperwork and they had to get a signature from the donor in order to have Marnie recognized as a parent. (getting him to sign was not so difficult) Anyway, hopefully , the process will be easier now for other same sex parents to be legally recognized as such.

Zen

I am amazed that there is so much written about nothing.

Genjo Koan

We are studying this writing by Dogen Zenji at our Zendo, so far it is one of my favorites. What I have noticed is that when you get right down to the fundamental point, the writing is all about sitting.

Despite that, I think I will keep reading.

I'll knock on wood

I am probably really inviting disaster with this post.....

I was busily moping about under our gray skies, a few minutes ago, when I thought about the amount of time I have spent being depressed verses actual tragedies I have experienced. I have had nothing catastrophic enough in my life to, I feel, to warrant the amount of sadness I have had. I think about the typhoon in Myanmar or, the people on the bridge in New Orleans. I think of my friend who is in mourning of her fathers recent death. These people deserve to feel hopeless, sad, in the pit of suffering.

It boggles my mind that I even had depression as a teen. OK, maybe my sadness was warranted I was, hopelessly shy, a magnet for bullies and even my attempts at being cool, and above the popular kids did not serve to lessen my pain. Now, I am truly above such things...yes?

To compound the sadness, I had a bit of guilt thrown in. I was not supposed to be sad. I was born into the one true Church.... I must have done something wrong. I realize that this is simplistic thinking but the message I remember getting was that, the truth made you happy.

When I was a kid, coming home from a bad day of school, I would put a Bauhaus tape into my stereo and listen to it loud. Loud dark music does not pull me out of a lull anymore. Neither does wishing something really awful would happen so, I could feel better about sadness.

My son is a Princess

My two year old (whose name I will not mention) about two weeks ago was going through a puppy faze. He would come up on hands and knees and insist on being scratched behind the ears; then, in a non-puppy like voice, ask for a bowl of water. He would bark a little, then leave the life of a four legged and rejoin the two legged population.

Now, he is in his princess faze. Ok that isn't fair, really it is just that he is wearing his sisters clothes, which consists of very tasteful flowy dresses. Being the completely honest person I am I have to admit to my feelings of discomfort.

I want to just allow him to experience what he wants, but, there were a few minutes there at outset of his skirt wearing that I was insistent that he put on his overalls.

I decided not to fight it because I could not find any reason why I should. Besides, the only problems I could think of, were that wearing girls clothes might lead him to a life of say: joining the Lincoln Brigade and fighting the Spanish civil war then writing "The Old Man And The Sea" or heading the CIA. (So, boys wearing dresses equals fighting Fascism and writing books about man against nature in a non-descriptive style or well, becoming a spy ala J. Edgar Hoover)

What it really came down to, was avoiding the classic two-year-old meltdown, which I am all about avoiding when the thing he wants is not dangerous....

grr

Every other word out of Chaz's mouth is in the form of a scream and I am on the edge today. I am given to yelling today and I am driving me nuts.......

Journey, and Zen

I was sitting during sesshin a few weeks ago, cultivating nothing, well trying to cultivate no- mind. (seriously, how can you really cultivate nothing? Maybe there are more advanced Zen folks out there who can explain that) So, I was sitting there on my little cushion staring at a wall, bringing about no mind when I hear this " Just a city boy/born and raised in south detroiooit/he took the midnight train/goin anywhere"

I managed to calm my mind a bit then " When the lights/ go down in the citay/and the moon shines on the baaayaa/ooh I wanna be thereyaya in my citay/ ooohoohooh"

Followed by more no mind and more Journey songs; I think all from the same album which, I have never owned or heard.

Really, it gave me hope that maybe enlightenment was looming before me. And, just like the pain in my knee, my stuffed up nose and my sleeping leg I needed to make room for Journey and not try to push them away so, the next time Steve Perry's voice manifested itself in my head with " oh the wheel in the sky keeps on trunin/oh I don't know where I'll be tommoroooohooh" I just sat with it and relief came around. Not no mind relief but " It's the end of the world as we know it/and I feeel fiine"

Toddlers are Amazing!

Charlie has a most amazing skill. Maybe it is a sixth sense that only two-year-old's have, needless to say, I discovered it today. I was sitting at the kitchen table filling out my Oregon voter Ballot, when I had to check the bread in the Oven. Charlie, as far as I recollect, was playing in his room on the other side of the house.

Now, granted, our house is not huge, still, it is possible to be in one of the back bedrooms and not know what is going on in the kitchen; unless someone is running the blender or shouting. How Charlie could discern my action I will never know.

When I got up from my ballot I put the pen down, I stepped to the oven (three steps! not ten, or twenty. Three) I turned around to find Charlie traveling the pen around several twists on the morning news paper. I caught him just before he got to my ballot.

All I can guess is, that two-year-olds can smell an abandoned pen and tele-port to them.

Ahhh Spring

This is one of our apple trees, all those blooms will, hopefully, be followed by lots of apples.
This is our front garden.

The Wisdom of Ignorance

I remember vividly how it felt to be an expectant father for the first time. It was scary. I was 25 and still trying to get over my troubled adolescence; how would I be able to process my shit while trying to raise a child? I was not afraid of changing diapers or feeding this little being; the fear I had originated in my emotional instability and that all my prejudice, scars and fears would get transferred onto him.

The step I took, which is probably the best thing any new parent can do, is to admit that I was ignorant then, I started reading every handbook on parenting and father hood I could get my hands on. I worked at a great bookstore....shameless plug.....called Sam Weller's, at the time, so had access to several titles, bad and good, about parenting.

At the time I was reading almost anything with the words Zen, Buddhism, and meditation in the title so, when a book with a title that was something like; Zen and the Art of Fatherhood came into my view I read it. I hated it. I did not get it at all. Now, twelve years, three kids and a couple of years of Zazen practice, I might have a better understanding of what he was trying to say. (I know it might be helpful if I could maybe give a glimpse of the contents of that book but it has been almost thirteen years since I last saw it, and that I hated it is what I remember.)

From what I remember the premise of the book was: that you don't know what you are getting into but don't worry, if you are aware you will know what to do, and you will notice when you have messed up.

I was much more aware of my lack of knowledge back then, my first child benefited from my state of mind, I was much more engaged; even now as I am trying to shift to parenting a 12 year old I am still more involved with him than I am with the younger ones.

The challenge for me is to keep remembering that, despite what I know about taking care of kids, I still need to pay attention to them as if they both are my first. (my kids are now, this second, trying to get my attention from my all important blogging...sigh. Don't they know that writing about my philosophy of life is so much more important than living it? Durn kids.)

I Want To Live Like Childless People

One common lament that can be heard in our house, between the two adults, is: "remember when, we could go on long drives just for fun or have a clean house, or not have to grocery shop every day."

Before the two youngest were born we were parents for part of the week and childless the other part. It was great; responsible adults one part overgrown adolescents the other.

What am I getting at? I am not complaining about having kids, I made a choice and am happily living it. I can't write about this without first bringing up the envy I sometimes have of people with less chaotic lives. I mean, face it ,even the most organized people lose some of that...ability? when they are faced with the chaos that surrounds young children. ( I was not organized before I had kids; I had less stuff. Now it is all to obvious that organization is not a skill I have ever had.)

This is for all the people who don't have and don't want children. Don't let your friends, coworkers, family members, or acquaintances who have kids tell you otherwise having children is a completely selfish act.

There is nothing altruistic about it, it is driven by hormones; by this want to reproduce. Adoption is altruistic. Reading to kids in elementary schools, becoming a mentor, giving money to charities that help kids is altruistic.

Taking your brother or sisters kids for the weekend is also a sainted activity.

I think that half of the people who have children spent a few minutes thinking about what they are getting themselves into they might not do it.

Earth Day

Charlie and I took a walk around Alton Baker park this morning. Nothing like a walk along the Willamette River during a light drizzle. Charlie was, as usual, fascinated by the geese and ducks.

From the Kids Book of Knowledge

Ruthie: " Why do parents tickle kids?"

Me: " Because we love to hear you laugh and squeal"

Ruthie: "Kids hate laughing, and we hate being tickled"

My Boy is Living with us now.

Kyle is 12 now. He had his birthday in Oakland, at his moms house. Then two days later he hopped onto a plane and flew to us. He is here.

I have not been away from him long enough to not know him but somehow, I forgot that and have been expecting him to start acting really strangely. But he is just twelve and not some odd monster.

Sure I was a twelve year old boy once so, why be scared. He is a different breed of twelve than I was, and the world is a different place than it was in 1983. Video games are more realistic and graphic, there is more swearing in music......... ( I have to say that I was turned off by the macho posing, swearing, and attitude in some the rap songs I let him play for me. I have since reflected on those songs and what I used to listen to. I am starting to not see a problem. ) he is in middle school and for me, middle school and being twelve were an incredibly traumatic experience. I was so glad when it was over.

What I keep telling myself is that he is my son, the same one I have been caring for since birth, 12 will be no sweat.

There is a there, there.

I went down to Oakland this past weekend to hang out with my boy. I had planned to spend the day hiking in the Oakland hills, instead we spent our time socializing with friends.

We stopped by our old house and found that it had been sold again, and the previously lush front garden had been reduced then covered with rocks.

The tangerine tree, that DW planted when she was pregnant with the girl, was covered with tangerines. The boy climbed the fence and picked a couple; I hope the new owners don't mind.

Visitors From Foreign Lands

One exciting event that has brought fun and culture to our "white bread" house is Yuna.

Yuna teaches home economics at a high school on a small, tropical, Japanese (in the prefecture of Okinawa) Island. She came with a group of students from her high school, with an exchange program, that the high school where my wife teaches has been doing for the last 28 years.

Even though I have had a handful of friends from Japan, in my life, I still had stereo types of what the Japanese are like. For example: very efficient and clean, and loves to shop. None of the Japanese I have known really fit into that description, so you'd think that I wouldn't have been worried at all. Even the wife was worried that Yuna would not like our home.

As it turns out she loves kids, (the kids love her) she would rather go hiking than go shopping. (I took her to a shopping mall, after taking a long walk with the kids; she had about the same reaction to the place I usually have; "so many people, noise, lights, useless plastic objects, aaahhh") She also sometimes understands our sense of humor. Needless to say, she has been perfect fit.

When she leaves, she will be missed.

Amazing Things My Daughter Says

That she speaks is amazing to me.....Not because she had trouble with language acquisition or something, only because that is what it is like to be a gushing parent.

I was getting the 2 year-old to sleep, and could not reach my coffee, so I asked my daughter if she would grab it for me. I thanked her for doing me this small favor. Her reply was "That's what kids are for; to do favors for their parents."

........of course I could not just leave that where it was; I had to confuse her by suggesting that, that is not her life's purpose. I had to remind myself not to get too philosophical with the four year old, so, in the end I just agreed with her.

"hey would you do daddy a favor? Go to the store and buy me some beer, then go scrub the bathroom floor"

"No"

Spring?

I am not sure what caused it, but about a week ago I suddenly had more energy. I found myself putting up shelves, cleaning the garage, and, actually keeping the sink free of dirty dishes. More sun.....the days are getting longer.

Even on cloudy and rainy days, I have had less of an urge to sit around all morning, nursing cup after cup of coffee; while I read blog after blog, New York times, or play scrabble on facebook.

It is amazing what an effect a few minutes more of sunshine can have.

What Happens When...

....my wife doesn't have to go to work because it has snowed.