A Tale of Two Subprime Mortgages

At least I think they were sub-prime. This is a story of two mortgages which, with income disclosure neither of them would have been granted. The types of mortgage which have in-part have been at the center of the credit crises that brought down our economy. The same mortgages granted by unscrupulous bankers and the like.

In 2002 my wife and I were living in an apartment in Oakland California, we had a little yard in which we planted some food crops and flowers. Our little yard did not get much sun and shared a fence line on the side with some apartments with a Catholic church. The church did not do much in the way of enforcing the rules about who could and could use their lot; it played host to a few noisy parties. One Sunday, after church let out, one such party was going on; that same Sunday we decided to put an offer on a house we were not really thrilled about.

We had decided to look for a house about a month earlier based on the financial advice of a friend. My wife had inherited a little (when I say a little keep in mind that I mean enough to put a down payment on a house and still have some for stocks but not much. Most of it dwindled during the Bush administration) money. The friend suggested that rather than trying to invest the rest we should invest in a house; turns out that this was the best advice; the money which was put into stocks is now next to nothing.

On that Sunday when we became increasingly disenchanted with our apartment we walked past the house we eventually bought and decided to put an offer on it. The next day our Realtor sent my wife to a lender, after looking over my wife's and my incomes she just laughed at her, despite the fairly substantial down payment. We ended up going to someone else who offered us a loan with this great new feature, the loan with no income disclosure, which worked well for us.
Our down payment was large enough that it made the loan significantly less. The payments were high for us but we figured that we would be able to pay as long as my wife's wages went up.
Things did not turn out that way, but it did not matter.

The value of our home went up as the market soared and we sunk more of my wife's savings into needed improvements of the home. Honestly, our first house is in much better shape than when we bought it, the people who own it now got a much better deal than we did. For those years that we owned it we were living on home equity loans, we were living above what we were actually earning. The situation was scary to me because I knew at some point we would have to sell or I would have to start making as much as my wife was. We had to sell before prices started to go down.

We were lucky. We decided in 2005 that we would sell and move to Oregon. Home prices in the S.F. Bay area, even in our little corner of Oakland, were still unreasonably high. In 2006 when we put the house up for sale it was still a sellers market, there were murmurings about prices going down, but places were still selling even with the high prices. We put our place up in July and it sold in August.

This is the place in my story where I come to our second sub-prime mortgage. I don't quite remember what was going on at the time with the mortgage lenders; nothing significant enough to abate the practice of income non-disclosure.

The day we made an offer on our second house our first had not sold; also, we had been in Eugene, renting, for about a month and my wife had not found a job yet. I was not stressed, we had enough money so, that we could rent and being a fairly experienced teacher she would get a job. She would be working by the fall, our house in Oakland would be sold, we could spend a year in Eugene getting to know the place and buy something by the next summer. Even better, by then maybe we would be escaping getting another risky loan; I did not take into account my wife's dream house.

Yes, it is true we found her dream house. (my dream house is actually a VW camper bus; not really enough room for kids.) And we found it before our house sold and before she started her job. The no-income disclosure loan fairly common by this time and our house would be sold by the time we signed the papers. I was still fairly stressed about our situation, mainly that our payments would go up in a couple of years and we would not be able to make them.

We eventually did get into a more secure home loan, one which I hope we will payoff in 30 years.
Our house is worth it and, granted like a lot of people, we are scraping by. It helps that we have the room for a garden which feeds us for most of the year.

I wrote this as a response to all the press about this type of mortgage and the people who have been buying and selling them. Not everyone who offered them were unscrupulous. Not everyone who bought them were trying to hide something.

Flexible

Over the past six years of being a stay-at-home parent I have heard and read many different views on the stay-at-home dad trend. It's a fad, men don't belong in the home, you should be at work once someone even said to me " personally I don't have anything against stay-at-home dads, but I can't imagine a woman marrying someone who wanted to be a stay-at-home parent. (nothing against stay at home dads...oh yes and I am sexist) I asked him how he imagined I became a father in the first place....he did not have an answer for me. Of course there is also the awkward silence from other parents (yes, I do have a chip on my shoulder about that.) when you are the only guy in the playground or class in the middle of the day.

Really, comments about what I, as man, should be doing besides taking care of my kids full time, are few and far between; they don't affect me much either. Such comments expose the commenter as being insecure about their place and an adherence to societal rules regardless of the circumstances of the person who is the recipient of the comment.

When I decided to take the the raising of youngun's I was not concerned about who would normally be staying home with the kids, I was not worried about fitting into playgroups, or being the odd man out at the park or story time.
No, it really had nothing to do with being on the edge, changing norms or being rebellious. It was a very pragmatic decision. I merely was responding to what was in front of me.

What if

When I started this blog, I had a vision of it as being the dad version of DOOCE. Well, it is not for many reasons. I could list them all, but that would be so tedious.

As an online journal of my kids growing up, it turns out that I don't write about my kids that much either. They are growing.....they are cute....they are!

Lately, my time online has been taken up by less creative pursuits aka Facebook. I can let everyone I know, know what I am doing with pictures and one line; It lacks something, something I can't quite articulate. Tonight, while avoiding my homework, I happened to read an interview with Pagan Kennedy circa 2001 on Wired I realized what bothers me about Facebook and my own blog; it maybe the entire internet, (I am not sure that I want to cast that wide a net.) They(facebook,my blog, the internet) just seem to lack a certain organic spontenaity. I remember Zines, I even remember Pagan Kennedy's zine from some sort of anthology; what struck me back then was the intense, homemade creativity Zines, especially the one someone hands you after walking out of Kinko's filled with mad scribbled poetry and characatures of Ronald Reagan.

Maybe, I will get around to writing a zine myself in the vein of Pagan's Head; it will be about an almost middle aged psychology undergrad. I will go stand next to the Frogman in front of the Duckstore on 13th and hand it out to all the 20 somethings.

Happy Birthday Number Three

It was the third child's third birthday yesterday. It is amazing to me how much a kid changes in three years. Not only does he walk but is able to communicate with surprising sophistication. ( I WAAAANNT THAT ONE........no the green one not the blue one)

Anyway, He started going to pre-school, which he will continue doing when Winter quarter starts tomorrow, and enjoyed it for the most part. We both hated drop off time and though he clearly was quite happy being there, was equally happy when I picked him up. Now, he will be in an older class with a more formal educational program. ( I don't know more reading? what the heck do they do in preschool?) I do know that he does not get to wear diapers anymore.

One thing that is obvious to me about him is that as he gets older he will need to be involved in more constructive physical activities like gymnastics or something that involves body slamming; like a mosh pit at a Ministry concert. (are they still around?)

In reality, we probably will enroll him in tap classes. ( knowing tap could help him with getting girls and come in handy in a mosh pit)

Happy Birthday!

How Far Will They Take It?

One aspect of the whole Gay marriage debate, (holy war) which I have not seen is what the defining of marriage by Christians means for the rest of us who are religious but non Christian.

I was standing in the shower thinking about this. How can anyone really define marriage for anyone else? Maybe the state can say this is a marriage that is a marriage but that definition does not change the quality of one relation to their chosen one. And even if a marriage is defined as one man one woman not only can the state not tell me that I can't consider my friends as married.

I really have absolutely no clue what legally constitutes marriage; what does it get me, and my spouse. How I see it is there is a contract saying I am married and then there is the "spiritual" (I still don't know what that word means) side, or religious, marriage. The part of actual commitment. Lets face it as the Gay community has proven, at least to those of us who have been paying attention, one need not have a legal contract to be committed to someone.

This is where religion comes into the marriage. Religions are the guardians of spirituality (what does that word mean?) . I could have said that better, to me, the job of a religion is to help clarify life. Marriage is part of life, a sometimes difficult part, one that needs the help of a supernatural, supreme or enlightened being to keep going and to convince you that you should. Unless you are an atheist, then I guess it is your own convictions keeping you married or ...Love? (gasp)

Gay marriage is also a freedom of religion issue. What I have been hearing from my L.D.S. relatives is that they are afraid that without marriage being defined as between one man and one woman they will eventually be sued into allowing gays into their temples. Could this happen? maybe.
It seems that Churches should be able to marry anyone they think fit to marry according to their codes; within reason.

There are churches that already do actively marry same sex couples. There are recognized non-Christian religions that also do not have qualms about whether the couples are straight or Gay.

So, so what if the majority has decided to try to put their version of reality into law, it has not really changed reality for the rest of us. Fundamentally I will continue to view my married gay friends as married, regardless of laws. I know that this does not help legal headaches same sex couples face, at the very least they will know that their marriage has the support of all those who really matter.

Finally, Christians should keep this issue out of the public sphere and put it to the Christian theologists and accept that their version of reality is not everyone's. If someone quotes Biblical scripture to me I am likely respond with Buddhist teachings.

Equal Protection

A few weeks ago my family and I went to a wedding down in the SF bay area. We went down to see two good friends, who are raising their daughter together, get married. They have been living together for some time now and finally decided to tie the knot.

I have been to weddings like this, where two people who have been together for a while get married, the couples sometimes get ribbed that they are doing it just to throw a party.

I don't care how cynical it may seem but even those types of weddings are special. It is like they are coming out to their friends and admitting they actually do want to stay together and they are not going to just split up.
And to get the support of their friends and family they throw a party.

This couple in particular knew of the support they had. When their baby was born their whole community went to the naming ceremony. Then when the momma got cancer we all prayed for her and hoped she would get well.

Of course when we found out they had the chance to get married we dropped everything to go and be there to show our support. Plus there was not a whole lot of time. There marriage license would be denied right now because they are two women.

I can't say that I am mystified why anyone would vote to deny someone else's rights. About twenty years ago, I might have voted that way myself, not because I actively hated but because I did not understand that love is not some static thing that exists in certain situations but is fluid. I also really believed that my Church would not lead me the wrong way.

At the time of the founding of our country the idea that all people had inherent rights was pretty big, so big in fact that it was written both in the Declaration of Independence and into the Constitution. I know, back then, when they were granting rights, they gave most of them to taxpayers; men who were not slaves. Even though the other groups, women, slaves, Jews, and Catholics( in some states) did not get the same rights, I assert that the writers (John Adams and Thomas Jefferson) really did believe that those groups were actually equal to the people holding all the power.

They must have known, that those other groups would eventually have the right to equal protection and voice in the government. They did not set up a democracy where the majority ruled. They set up a Republican government one where the power is not concentrated in one branch, one with courts to interpret laws etc. one that would protect minorities.

From what I have read of John Adams, I think he would be happy about the abolition of slavery and the subsequent civil rights, he would not be surprised by women getting the vote. What would he make of same sex marriage? I don't know. Judging by what was written in the Constitution I doubt he would vote to take away rights.

Memory

Memory is such a funny thing. Really, what is it for? other than to help us survive. You know, so you can remember how to get to the hunting grounds, remember that the good drinking water is over here, and remember that wal-murt is having a sale.

Sure, those are all the practical uses, the good things. Then there is the shadowy side of memory: Nostalgia. ( I capitalized it for the effect) Memory can color your past so that it is maybe more palatable. For example, in high school you were a depressed, self-absorbed nerd. (this isjust hypothetical) but twenty years later, you think of yourself as having been this sort of, avant garde hipster who was ahead of the curve. ( I guess that sort of sums up everyone who was into punk in the 80's then defined the nineties?)

Those memories can be kind of appealing, really you were very cool; you were just the only person who knew. And it is your memory, so hold on to it. This story has more of a point than that.
Let's say that you did not keep in touch with anyone you went to High school with, you lost touch the last day of classes your senior year. That is even better for your memories.
Only, one day it dawns on you that, "I was a really a self absorbed, depressed, nerd and not as cool as I thought" (this all comes to you a few years later, while you are making Latte's for the theater crowd, while listening to Eric Clapton's Unplugged album and one of the patrons suggests listening to something more...progressive. You sneer at him and say Eric Clapton is fuckin cool.)

So, then you think hey, if I still lived in the same town, not 800 miles away, I might be able to be in touch with those people. You are looking around you at the friends you have and realize that they have known each other since they were in grade school. And feel like you have not kept in touch with your past. Granted there are down sides to being that in touch but I digress. Sometimes in order to stay present I think it is good to have the past clarified. And when you keep in touch with those who grew up with you it can help.

A funny thing happened to me. In the past few months I have, on Facebook, gotten in touch with a few of the people who I spent my senior year of High school with. I have not seen or talked to them since the last day of classes in 1989. It was my most, up to that point, tumultuous year. (that is over stated) I don't need them to tell me what I already know, but it would be great if they can tell me what they were like.

Ruthie: Cartographer

Ruthie and I were looking at the Eugene/Springfield bicycle map; Ruthie was quite impressed that we could find the spot on the map where our house is. She asked me what the map was for so, I explained that it is a drawing of the different paths one could take to get somewhere. This map specifically shows the easiest and safest ways to bicycle to those places.

She was really taken with the Idea that someone drew a picture of this and that she could do the same thing. So, Ruthanne came up with this:

Basically, it is a map showing the four schools we all go to. I would have to have her orient me; the two bear stickers represent two of the schools and there are two circles that represent the other two.

School?

I'm actively ignoring the reading I should be doing and listening to music. Ahh that is exactly what I used to do when I was in high school. Yes, it is true, heritable gene exposed to homework brings out this allele? Geneticists may be able to confirm for me if I wrote that sentence correctly. Anyway, I don't know what percentage is wholly due to genetics but, listening to SCOTS and writing down my opinions about me seems to be so, much easier than reacting to, an image or writing about John Winthrop for example.

And my psych paper the subject of does interest me; but is easier for me to have a casual relationship with and not one where I have to explain.

Charlie seems to be having alot of fun in school. He is learning to use the potty and looks forward to playing with his friends. Ruthie is also digging school, (I mean she likes school and is not there with a pick and a shovel) she has figured out the 1 and 1 are two and enjoys copying words. She has also found that there are other kids her age that she can play with.

Remember when.........you could draw a picture, play nicely on the playground and that was enough.

Sarah Palin: What If The Tables Were Turned.

I just watched the last installment of Katie Couric's interview with Gov. Sarah Palin. It was painful. I felt uncomfortable for her.

I began to imagine a world where Mccain loses the presidency (I am not making a prediction just put on you imagination caps for a minute and imagine with me)

Mccain loses, the pressure that Palin is now under is off. She is sitting at home, in Wasilia with her five kids, thinking about being a grandma and how a weekend trip with her old man would do her a world of good.

Palin: Lands I am glad That (the election) is over. Whew no more stuffed shirts telling me what to say......Do I need a Vacation........hmmmm....

Who can I get to watch the kids? (she imagines a list of people she could call) Karl Rove.....nah......too grumpy.......the Obama's....too busy, not to mention Liberals.......hmmmm.... ( A slightly evil, but kindly, mischievious look comes over her face...) Man McCain owes me big time. Ha

Palin comes home from her vacation on the sunny shores of Vancouver Island.

She walks in the door......to see that the kids have decorated the house with toilet paper, the T.V. is on displaying the menu for Nightmare On Elm Street. All the Disney DVDs are scattered on the floor. The house smells of burnt toast and rotting feces.

She is shocked, there are no sign of the kids.

A light tapping noise is heard from somewhere in the house. As if someone were trying to send a message. It's Morse code for "Please help, I am locked in the upstairs bathroom closet, bring food". Sarah rushes up stairs and finds a note " Mom. Went to Grandmas house. Mr. McCain is locked in the closet. p.s. Senators make horrible babysitters. signed kids"

Sarah Opens the closet door to find a weakned John McCain.
(Palin reacts how any parent would if they found the babysitter tied up in a closet)
Palin:"Oh John I am sooo embarrased, did the kids do this to you?"
McCain: "No I did it after watching the Lion King for the fifth time....the kids would not go to bed....and and....It was worse than Nam......" he sobs uncontrollably...

Palin ...rofl.......ha those darn kids...ha I'm sorry John clearly you just are not in your element. I promise I will never ask you to babysit again.

Charlie And I Are Starting School!

Number two son starts preschool tomorrow. I don't know why, but it seems to be much too early for him to be going, I mean, he is still so young. Bah! I hear you say, two-and- a- half is not too young.

Okay, Okay 2 -1/2 is not too young, especially not for Chas. He is ready and will probably excel at whatever preschool throws at him; even it is just food. He will be provided things that I don't provide like ...structure, for example.

Beyond nap time and lunch, I don't have activities planned for him like: play dough (too messy to clean up) Art play...(usually the crayons all get trashed after he does free form art (scribble) all over the windows and walls. Oh yes and potty training. This is something that I utterly fail at. Our toilet training program consists of him removing his diaper and going to the bathroom when he remembers to or if I catch him in the act. Without going into more detail toilet training is a primary motivation for me to send him to preschool.

The other major motivation is my entering the University of Oregon. The fact that I am starting school the same year that my daughter started Kindergarten has hit her funny bone. She thinks it is the silliest thing ever!

Maybe she has the image of me going to some big, adult version of kindergarten? who knows? She has no idea that I am not starting school but continuing where I left off a couple of years ago.

Even I think it is kind of silly that I am going to school; here I am basically going into more debt in the hopes that when I get out I can get a job that will pay off the debt. All the while, I know that I could get a job without going into debt and spending years studying a bunch of abstract stuff.

Sigh, ah but the problem is if I did get a job I would have to put the kids into daycare, either at six in the morning (because of bakers hours) or if I were lucky enough to work a 9-5 job for the entire day. Then I would be paying someone to raise my kids.

Going to school at least gives me the flexibility to keep doing the sahp gig for a couple of years, and I don't have to hand them over to someone else for long periods of time. Who knows, my writing might get better.

Haiku

Rain falls from the clouds
brown grass turns green

Apples fall from the tree
apple sauce tastes sweet.

Charlie scares me!

About a year ago Charlie got hold of a very large knife with frosting on it. (which was more than adequate to cut cake with) He was in the middle of the room with several people standing to far away from him to just stop him. It was as if he was about to attempt to hold everyone hostage with this knife.

When I saw him with the knife, I had one of those "noooo" slow motion moments. Before I could get the knife away from him he stuck the tip of the knife in his mouth and licked the frosting off. ugh.

It was a scary two seconds.... Charlie has absolutely no qualms about using knives: to cut up cheese, put peanut butter on bread, cut the bread up.
He is a very resourceful little man; I have no doubt that he gets it from his sister.

I could be busily, working in the yard, cleaning the house or wasting time on the computer (not paying attention to the kids) and find them having a four course lunch: grapes, apples, cheese, bread, carrots. It used to be that they would tell me when they are hungry but now they don't even bother.

It is kind of nice; the only draw back, really, is that they don't clean up and there is sure to more of a mess than there would be if I had provided lunch for them.

On the plus side if I pass out, impale myself with gardening tools, drown in the sink or become otherwise incapacitated I know that the kids won't starve.

Presidential Politics

I really have to get this off my chest. I don't write about my opinions of national politics much because well, the enormity of it all makes me feel that there is no point to having an opinion. Presidential campaigns bother me. every campaign I can remember (that would be all the way back to Reagan.....I am only 37 after all)

They talk about changing things, changing the tone in Washington, changing tax laws, changing welfare, yada yada, change blah blah d blah blah. So, far from my perspective things have gotten better for those who were already well off and those of us on the bottom still have to walk a tight rope over poverty. (Wealth seems to me to be more of a birth right than a good work ethic) (who am I to complain, I mean I swore that I would always be poor and now I eat every day and I don't have a paying job) It is a difficult balance regardless.

I like to consider my self Independent, In reality the Dems have always had my vote, except for that year that Nader ran......sigh...... Socially I am not conservative I am all for abortion, drugs, wild sex, and atheists. ( I am much more consverative than that) What turned me off of Republican candidates is their distance from reality, they speak in platitudes that don't stand up to scrutiny. I mean Reagan, known as the great communicate was just a pitchman and was totally void of substance.

They talk about "family values" but then get caught in airport bathrooms trying to get lucky, and who can forget Bob Packwood.

I am more irked with the Republicans now than I ever thought was possible; I mean we have McCain who I viewed as being somewhat honest, shooting for the platitudes that will get the yokel vote. Not so long ago McCain was pro-choice now he is talking about banning abortion out right.

One would hope that if he gets into office he will stick to those wacky right wingers.

I am voting for Obama, but honestly I have only heard one of his inspiring speeches; that was all for me. why? Well it is that platitude thing again; he is a much better speaker than Gore or Kerry were. Gore and Kerry appealed to me because they did not use flowery speech, I just don't trust any one who seems to be trying to sell me something.

If Obama were not so slick I might feel really good about voting for him.

Gratuitous Poop Story

When I first moved to California, I lived in the Napa valley (actually a little town called Angwin in the hills east of the valley). What I liked most about living there was not the availability a lot of really good inexpensive wine, but the food. All the food was good. Grocery store deli food was superb, the scones at my favorite coffee shop melted in my mouth. The burgers at the local drive up place were incredible and all the food was fresh. Not only are there chefs and cooks with a lot of vision, the Napa valley is smack dab in the middle of family farm country there is a plethora of fresh produce. Even the local taqueria, which was inexpensive, had the best burritos and tacos around; I and my fellow bakers would get dinner there before they closed.

Not to forget the grapes. In St. Helena, where the bakery I worked at is, there are vineyards all over town; my son and I would often walk through the rows of grape vines to get to the library, his day care or the store. Sometimes, when the grapes were just getting ripe we would take a couple.....maybe more...and pop them into our mouths to test their readiness for the crush.

The Crush came toward the end of August and went well into September. Just when the grape leaves start to change color, the grapes come off the vine and are loaded into huge gondolas that are towed to the various wineries, Which, as you may imagine are also as ubiquitous as the grape vines . I did not take much interest in the goings on of the wine industry, I did not go to tasting rooms or drive around the valley and the surrounding hills looking for the best wine, I did have some wines that I thought were good. What I do know is that you don't generally drink wine when it is just grape juice. It puzzles me why it seemed that during the crush there were suddenly more people in wine country? These BMW driving fashionistas were not there to work, I am positive, since most of them seemed to be a drunk at the end of the day. They were definitely tourists. The other puzzling aspect was the smell, the smell of, well, fermenting grapes was everywhere and it was not totally pleasant, You would think the tourists would all wait until after the smell went away to come. I did get used to it eventually so much so that I don't find it all the offensive.

Right now I have loads of grapes, like a bunch of purple chandeliers hanging from my arbor, and ripe grapes are being crushed under foot on our porch. Charlie and Ruthie have been eating grapes by the handful for almost a month. (most of them not ripe)

A couple of days ago, Charlie walked past me and suddenly a whiff of something reached my nose that brought back a flood of memories. I was transported, I remembered eating tacos and drinking Corona at work, walking the vineyards with Kyle, buying grapes at the St. Helena farmers market. A couple of minutes later as I changed Charlies diaper I realised where the smell was coming from.

IN The Moment......

It was a popular topic for myself and my twenty-something friends to talk about the virtues of being in the moment. We talked about the moment as if it were some far off utopia that once we found the path to, life would be smooth. I am not sure exactly where we came upon this idea, it came to me through Jack Kerouac and his books, Allen Ginsburg and Ram Das. I did not get enough information however, to actually narrow down that big Moment.

When those moments of conversation would turn to the moment, the magical mystical moment, not that last moment, often we would talk about how children truly live in THE MOMENT. Just watch how they flit from thing to thing totally engrossed for a few seconds then changing their focus. It is easy for me to understand why, when I was on the cusp of adult hood, I would pine for the type of awareness a child of 2 to 7 has. Everything is just new enough that all objects and experiences are amazing.

Now I am positive that what I thought THE MOMENT was back when I was twenty seems totally naive and....shallow. I realized this when observing one of my 2 year old's antics. Chaz was playing on our back deck (which we now call the poop deck) when he stopped in his tracks and pooped. I don't know exactly what went through his mind when he did that but my guess was what led me to my realization. First he had this funny feeling in his gut. Second came the poop. Third: uh ohhhh daddy there is poop on me. He has not made the connection between the pre-pooping feeling and the poop coming out, and he may not have made the connection between the poop on the deck and the poop that came out of him. (He actually is more advanced than that)

Imagine a grown adult who previously could use the bathroom, suddenly forgetting to go.

I really do appreciate the part of my brain that alerts me to run to the bathroom before I have those types of moments, and to want to live that way seems a bit backward. I have learned, since I was a twenty something, that being present is different than being in the moment.

Carry On Abroad

We are two weeks into summer vacation now, and we have spent most of our time working in the yard. Our garden is huge and is putting out at least, a ton, (A TON!) of veggies. It is great since we have little to spend on food.

My natural reaction to my wife having time off is to travel. This year is no exception; but travel this year is less likely to happen, not just because of gas prices. We have our livestock to take care of, our garden and yard still needs maintaining and, well, the major thing for me is getting myself acclimatized to Eugene.

Yes, I am still a bit homesick for Utah, (many ex Utahans don't get this.....sometimes I don't either) I can't put my finger on "one" reason why I miss the place; still the fact that I miss it remains; I also miss the SF Bay area.

So, staying put is a pretty good idea for me. If I visit Utah it will just feed my malaise.

We were even planning a trip to Moab this year......sigh......
On another note, when I was looking for pictures of Moab, I found this NY Times travel article about Moab and its environs. Take a look at the slide show. Their photographer needs to get out more. From this slide show, one would think that the only thing to see in the entire area ,around Moab, is Delicate Arch....(I am rolling my eyes)....

Fathers Day

I knew , when I went to bed at 2:00 a.m., that Charlie would be up in five hours; he would not tolerate my sleeping much more than him. I knew, when my older son went to bed at 1:00 a.m. that staying up as late as he did, then sleeping late, he would wake up cranky; therefore moody and argumentative.

We don't really celebrate Fathers day or mothers day much. Mom does not get breakfast in bed, what she gets is a kiss on the cheek and a "Happy Mothers day." I get happy mothers day too, which I know has nothing to do with the givers gender confusion but with an acknowledgment of the type of work I do. (my equipment is what makes me dad and not mom)

I can't really expect much on fathers day. I can expect to have the same things expected of me that are expected me every day. Make breakfast and be ready to jump when something is requested of me.

What can I expect when we have all stayed up too late: I am depressed and whiny, my son argues with every suggestion I make, and my two year old, is, well, his normal bubbly, energetic, demanding, loud self.

So, I will slog through today and see if I can get a day off with my wife when school gets out.

Fun, Happy Marriages

One of my favorite "Happy " couples was on the Front page of the Vallejo Herald.

I know it is a big deal for them; when their daughter Lucy was born they had to go through tons of paperwork and they had to get a signature from the donor in order to have Marnie recognized as a parent. (getting him to sign was not so difficult) Anyway, hopefully , the process will be easier now for other same sex parents to be legally recognized as such.

Zen

I am amazed that there is so much written about nothing.

Genjo Koan

We are studying this writing by Dogen Zenji at our Zendo, so far it is one of my favorites. What I have noticed is that when you get right down to the fundamental point, the writing is all about sitting.

Despite that, I think I will keep reading.