Two Good Wheels

One of the reasons I wanted to move to Eugene was it's bike ability. Eugene is a relativley small city, it is easy to get around on a bike, plus there are several designated bike routes. My goal has been to use the bike instead of the car whenever I can to run errands. So far, we have been doing pretty well.

This goal is not a recent goal for me, it is something I have been thinking about for years. When I was a kid, pre-drivers lisence I got around either by foot or bicycle all the time. Of course when I turned sixteen it was all about cars too me. I lived in a suburb and for fun me and my friends would go to Salt Lake City. When I finally moved there I was still in "car mode;" I would drive places that were only a five or ten minute walk away.

I would return home feeling stressed; I would sulk into my apartment with my groceries and listen to Ministry. I would sit there in my black clothes and think about how great it was that I did not have to drive so far to get to my favorite dance club.

Then one day, I realized that I did not have to drive. I walked to the store, it was liberating. I did not have to find parking, I didn't have sit there and wait to turn left. (these were all very stressful things for me. I was a nervous driver. I used to get really upset that other people thought that they could drive in front of , behind and to the side of me; or drive at all while I was using the road.) None of that concerned me while I walked.

When I arrived home with my bag of groceries I felt so good, I did not want to sulk inside with my Ministry tape (yes, that was before cd's were all the rage and way before mp3's) Soon enough, if it was close, I walked to my destination. Eventually I rode my bike to destinations that were further away.
One of the first things that I noticed was that distances were not nearly as far as I had originally thought and I got to know the city a lot better.

For two or three years I did not even own a car. When I eventually did buy another car I was already used to getting places on foot so, I only used the car for long trips. Like going to San Francisco or New York.....heheh....or more interesting and fun places like Canyonlands National park and Yellowstone.

Of all the reasons I chose to, and choose to, get around by bike the environmental reasons are minuscule. (If I were really hard core, I would not even use a bike, the metal and rubber had to come from somewhere and will eventually end up in a landfill)

It really is about ease and pleasure for me. Plus it is about the only exercise I get on a regular basis

Mike: Desert Explorer

My Brother -in- law lives in Moab Utah where he is able to go out and explore. I am fairly jealous. He has told me several times that he would take me out on one of his trips; I will take him up on that someday.

This is the text of an email he sent; there is a link at the bottom for his Flickr page.

I just got back from a great journey out into the San Rafael Desert; meeting with Chris Schiller, who was just coming up from Natural Bridges and a visit with Dave and Peggy, and (briefly) Mike Painter.

We met at the little kiosk where the dirt road splits to either Hans Flat and the Maze, or north toward Horseshoe Canyon and Green River, both arriving within ten minutes of each other--not bad given the distance/terrain. The dirt road was generally in decent shape, but got a bit more rugged as we passed the Horseshoe Canyon turnoff, following alongside of a wash on the sage plains with little sign of the canyons that cut deeply into the seemingly sandy desert.

We located our turn-off, parking the vehicles for our trek into Moonshine Canyon, as suggested by Chris a little while ago, one that I hadn't heard of before (and then saw a picture taken by Aaron Ralston at his talk last week of this same canyon). The weather couldn't have been better for a slot canyon hike--zero clouds and a reasonably cool day (there was frost on the windshield when I left Moab), the temps getting to maybe the mid-seventies. Perfect.

We noted another vehicle down the side road a bit, hard to believe, but it looked like someone else had the same destination. Oh well.

We simply headed overland until we came to an opportune drainage, which in turn led us right into the canyon that we sought--which at this point was a medium sized wash with walls of thin rock strata layers.

We indeed located two pairs of fresh footprints in the sand.

The wash quickly started to go deeper, usually by the big steps of pour-offs, many of which included some pretty massive chokestones to get over and down from. The plunge pools below started dry, but as we got further into this deepening gorge, they got slick first, then had over-the-boot deep water, making the going with dry feet a challenge (we both maintained dry socks!).

We stopped for a snack, and poked around a little side canyon; it didn't go very far until each of it's two branches became vertical. Soon after resuming our journey, Chris noted that the pair of prints we had been following were gone. Strange--neither of us noticed any "escape" out of the deep canyon, and we didn't pass anyone.

The narrows run out after you pass under an old sheepherders bridge--I doubt highly that I'd try to cross it myself. We followed for another hour maybe, meandering in a beautiful scoured drainage lined by the constantly changing character of the sandstone walls--sometimes smooth and curving, with huge water streaks running down the vertical walls, sometimes highly textured by strata or water and wind. Awesome.

After debating for a second, we decided we needed to head back up the canyon to get back to the vehicles before dark. It was a hoot climbing back up and over all the obstacles we came down, stemming over the narrow canyon by wedging ourselves between the two walls and shimmying our way along. We once again noticed the two sets of tracks that didn't belong to us--still no sign of where the owners went, or how they got out of the canyon.

We had no trouble finding our way back to the vehicles and a couple of almost cold beers--and noticed the other car down the road was gone. Weird. Chris made a great red bean, rice, sausage and salad dinner, and we chilled out until we had our fill of shooting stars and the getting-cold air.

We woke this morning to a colorful sunrise, and absolute silence.

We went our separate ways after some more chatter, including the idea of checking out sites for AFXII--possibly near Goblin Valley/Little Wildhorse Canyon--Chris might have more to say later.

The ride home was great, a slow journey over the San Rafael River and on to Green River, then the frontage "road" along the freeway to Clay Hills, finally hitting the pavement by the Moab airport, only fifteen miles from home. I even got to meet Collette for lunch before going home and getting mauled by the dogs--who would have never made it through the obstacles of the surprisingly pretty slot canyon.

some pix can be found:

Pictures

MM

Us and Them

After spending the last ten years sort of practicing meditation I finally decided to become more serious and start attending services at a Zen temple. So far, I have been happy with the choice I made.

There have been times ,though, that I wonder why it is so important to me to belong to a religious community and to even explore "spirituality" ( I really don't like using this term; mainly because it seems to be so vague. What the heck is spirit any way and what do all these various practices have to do with it.)

I always just put it up to my L.D.S upbringing. I was so concerned for so long that I adhere to all of the commandments, directions and prophets; that even after leaving the L.D.S. church it was inevitable that I continue to want to perfect myself. Figuring out what God is and what God wants seemed to be the way to go in order not to go to Hell.

Recently, I decided to take the next step in Zen and commit myself to it as full-time practice. I feel that I have done this already, now I am making it official. What is odd for me is, now, in my little un-enlightened lizard brain, I have recognized the us and them mentality. I had this before, it just was not as prevalent. The challenge of course, and the Buddhists emphasize this, is to take on the path and learn that there is only us.

The L.D.S. church seems to emphasize that there is an us and there is a them and we must work to make the them an us. Not being much of a salesman, this mentality made me pretty uncomfortable, so much so, that when it came time for me to put my Missionary papers in, I split.

I learned over the years, or told myself, that everyone is OK how they are and it is totally up to the individual how they conduct themselves. I still have this lingering thought though, that if everyone wants to be happy they should all become Buddhists.

It Is The Carter Family's Fault.

I blame the Carter family.

When my mother- in- law visited a couple of months ago she observed how I get Chas to take his naps. I sit in our recliner, rock him back and forth and sing to him from Rise Up Singing; a collection of popular and folk songs.

Up to this point, the only people who were privileged to hear my voice have been my wife and kids; None of them have complained about my singing. ( I am really not too bad.)

Before I started, my mil stated that I could not really carry a tune. My mil and I get along so well that I was not a bit bothered by the comment and I began singing Sound Of Silence (Simon and Garfunkel) . I mean it's folk music right how can I really mess that up?

Well, OK, if I were singing say...some of the songs the Carter family made famous you could not say I was messing it up. They sang the way they would sing in church, which is about my level of ability. They may have been great singers in their time but just about everyone, regardless of skill sang. On the other hand, Simon and Garfunkel's music is much more refined, to sing one of their songs even sort of well, takes practice.

So my mil has a point, I can't carry a tune but compared to whom. I listen to music a lot and I sing along, loudly, to whatever is playing and I know the words to many of the songs. Most of the singers I listen to have much stronger vocal ability than me, of course being the pros that they are, probably have to practice and some probably have access to voice enhancers.

What do I blame the Carter Family for? I blame them for becoming radio stars and recording artists. Granted back when they were playing the recording industry was very different. I am only guessing that the general public new the songs the Carters were performing and also sang their own variations at home and at church.

The difference between the Carter Family and the general public though, was that the Carters were being paid for what they did so, were able to refine their style. They made it possible for other aspiring musicians to become professionals and of course every new generation of musician became better and better so that eventually their musical abilities are much more refined than their audiences abilities.

Now days, many of us are mere consumers of music and would not even try to make it ourselves. Why bother, we would never be as good as a lot of artists who probably spend years training their voices, before they ever record. I don't think the Carters had vocal coaches and they would resent the blame I am resting on their heads. If they had not made that first recording we all might still be singing.

Fall Is Here .....and no where else

Yesterday we had a Fall day.
The day started out cool and cloudy and despite our plans to stay home we ended up driving around on Forest service roads.

We started out by going to a local theme farm where three Alpaca breeder's had their Alpacas on display. After Charlie tried to climb into the Alpaca pens several times we took the kids to the farms playstructure. Upon leaving the farm we decided to find a restaurant but ended up driving into the woods.

We did not really know where the road would take us (other than up into the hills and the clearcuts), We did not have cell phones and we were low on gas.

Even though I assured my wife that we would be fine she remained unconvinced and hungry.

Sadly nothing exciting happened; we did not get shot at, run out of gas or get taken hostage by hillbillies; Charlie did fall asleep. We made it home in one piece just in time for it to start raining. We had our first fire of the cold, wet season.

Burma

I am saddened today about the actions of Burma's (Myanmar) military junta.

I watched the news with hope that the Buddhist monk's protest would continue but I feared that the military would......well....act like a military and crack down.

The monks, I am sure, knew what they would face by standing up to the government but protested anyway.


According to most reports the only way for the military to stop the monks was to actually detain them at their temples.

All I can do is hope that in the end few lives are lost and the people of Burma will have their democratically elected government instead of what they have now.

"Every day we do things, we are things that have to do with peace. If we are aware of our life..., our way of looking at things, we will know how to make peace right in the moment, we are alive." - Thich Nhat Hahn

More news of Burma

Could I Have An Interpreter Please

I was busy with some child, household or computer thing the other day; when Charlie comes in and starts emphatically clapping his hands and rubbing his belly. The belly rub, in our house, is the universally accepted sign for "please."

But the clapping I did not recognize, fortunately I have an in house sign language interpreter.

"Ruthie! Ruthie please come in."

Ruthie ran in all out of breathe.

"Yes Daddeee"

"would you please tell me what Charlie wants?"

Charlie did the hand thing again this time for his sister.

"He wants a tortilla with cheese"

After producing the tortilla with cheese it was clear that it was what Chas wanted. He walked to the table smiling.

I just know that, without the sign language interpreter, we would have had a crises of monumental order. " All I wanted was a cheese tortilla, you wouldn't give it to me and now I am in an institution."

A Trip To Deseret

My Friends Sara and Colin, along with their two lovely children, are on an expedition to the Land Of My Birth .


I have not heard much form them yet but she did post a quiz on her blog.

It is obvious from a couple of her questions that they took some of my sight seeing advice. Also it sounds like Park City is actually large enough now to be part of greater Los Angeles.

Missed Connection

I saw you in my rear view mirror as I headed west on I-80. Your buildings, towered over by the mountains, glimmered in the cloudless summer morning heat. You were beautiful and inviting but still, I made up my mind to leave.

I grew up with you; supported by your church taught by your schools. I found calm in your mountains and parks. Even when I discarded your church I found bars and coffee shops and other ways of finding meaning; you offered much. I had to leave, you did not seem to mind.

It's amazing how so much can change in just a few years but remain the same. I thought about you a lot, it was hard living where I decided to live and, at times, I wanted desperately to come back. I missed the clean streets, the snow, being in the mountains. Would you have me? Would I belong? Or would it just be too awkward? I am too different, it seems shallow to say, but your beer is ......well..... just too weak.

Now, I am living in another completely different town and... I don't really want you anymore. I miss your dry climate during our gray winter days but I would rather just visit. You probably already know that I am not coming back and maybe you don't miss me either. Maybe we can be friends and I could come for a visit once in a while.

Another Summer Gone

Yesterday, Chas (the one year old) and I saw Kyle (the eleven year old) off at the Portland airport. The two-and-a-half hour drive gives us plenty of time to talk and rehash all of our issues.

Kyle spent some of the time telling me that he did not want to go back to his moms, which is hard for me to hear because I would rather have him here.

This evil side of me (believe me, the evil side is fairly significant.) likes to hear that he does not really want to spend any time with his mom; this is something he told me frequently this summer.

He explained to me that the goals he has for himself are not in sync with what his mom wants for him (my words not his), so she chooses to down play and ignore them.

I am not surprised by this; she seems to be of the ilk that wants her child to like what she likes and do what she wants him to do.

It is a dilemma for me, when I hear him confirming what I already feared I want to swoop in and just take him away from her.
On the other hand I think that this transition thing is stressful and he is just expressing it. Going from house to house was much less stressful for him when we were doing it every week. The change was less drastic. Now, with half of his family living so far away, the change is huge. It is more like a visit; we don't refer to it that way of course, (he has his own room and some of his stuff is here.) but it can't be denied that being here for less than three months is more like vacation than just plain life.

Frankly, I miss just having him around

Let's Call Burning Man, Disneyland

I say let him burn!

I find it ironic, that at the festival where thousands of people go, so that they can be spontaneous and not quite so boring; this burning man inmate gets convicted and fined for being spontaneous and not quite so boring.

Wayne the quasi-adult

At the age of 36 I still am not completely assured that I am an adult. (Does anyone else have this feeling? ) Aside from being old enough to legally buy beer and pornography; what do we do that gives us adult status?

Recently, I took Kyle on a canoe trip with the Boy Scout troop he joined. We paddled down the Willamette River about fifty-miles in three days. The difference between the boys (most of them elven-years-old) and the adults was obvious, we (the adults) were pretty intent on paddling safely along without trouble; the boys wanted to be in the water.

One break we took on the first day, the boys found some fast moving water and with their PDF's still on, jumped in, and let the current carry them down; myself and one other adult were the only ones to jump in too. The other adult was a mom.

The other men busied themselves with looking at the route we were taking and discussing the amount of time it would take for us to get where we needed to be before nightfall; none of them took the plunge into the river. (maybe it was the three eyed fish)

As I over-analyzed this, the feeling that I am not grown up and serious enough came up. The fact, also, that I was the only adult- male in the water made me question my manliness.

heh---yer a stay at home dad......

Yes, even renegades, such as my self, question and worry about fitting neatly into gender and age related roles.

One aspect of Adulthood, that I am sure of, is the ability to think of the well being of others before yourself. Becoming a parent often forces those of us who have not reached that ability to do that. The conclusion I came to was: I had to jump into the river, so I could make sure it was safe and so the boys could see that adults could appreciate the same type of fun.

Why I left Mormonism

I admit it, I am sure this will clear everything up once and for all why I am no longer L.D.S. (Latter Day Saint). It was "Plan 10 From Outer Space" that really did it.

If you have never seen it even this review won't really explain it, so here is a link to IMDB
Note: read the comments.

It was plan 10 that really illustrated to me how silly Mormonism is (just writing this makes me squirm). The belief that god lives on a planet called Kolob is a belief that many mainstream "Saints" might not be aware of. Sure, even when I considered myself a faithful saint I thought this Idea of Kolob was a little strange, like something out of a Star Trek movie.

After seeing this very campy, yet funny in a off-kilter sort of way, Science Fiction take on some of the odd Mormon beliefs. I realized how much some of my beliefs were off kilter, funny and science fictiony things. And could I, this cynical, Urbane, kid who wears black, is very cool oh so serious and not nerdy(I did not play dungeon and dragons, am not an out of the closet Trekkie) in anyway, really hold religious beliefs that seem strangely like Lord of the Rings and the old Battle Star Galactica. The answer is no.

As is predicted by many a True believer in the Mormon Church once you harbor the first doubt it is impossible to turn back; this did happen with me. The further you get away from the church, the more doubts you harbor, eventually it becomes impossible to go back.

I started looking for a religion I could take seriously. I read Buddha's first noble truth: "Life is suffering." Whoever said that was serious, I remember thinking. They even wear black to worship in. According to my standards that meant that they were not joking around.

Boy, was I wrong.

(Those Monks are Tibetan; I think they may laugh more than Zen monks. )

Before and After

So, the other day I was lurking around the Recovery From Mormonism discussion board when I came across a post from someone who is in the midst of leaving the L.D.S church. His question was without the church what keeps us going everyday. Everyone responded differently, naturally. I gave him my list of random things that keeps me going Gardening was one of them.

I am not "the gardener" in our house, that title belongs to my wife. I am the grunt; I do what she asks plus other things that are obviously needed; like pulling weeds, getting rid of Ivy, and trimming our little forest.

One of our main reasons for having a garden is for the food. We grow and preserve what ever we can, I try to limit what I cook to what is available out there and our reasons go way beyond "just becuase we can." All of our reasons fall into these categories Economics, social, ecological, and environmental some may make sense to others for example in the long run it is cheaper for us to grow our own food. We have our beleifs about why we grow our food and those beleifs keep us going even if they are just fiction, besides the end result is that we have food on our table and that is the most important and concrete.

Teaching in Eugene

I am a bit frustrated. I am not a teacher or the parent of a High school student; I am, however the husband of a high school teacher. Having been the spouse of a teacher for seven years I think that I would be used to the abuse that teachers get and could just be loving toward my wife when she gets home and not be upset about all the stuff she has to deal with.

....No, it is not that easy.

I am guessing that the only people that are reading this blog, who live in Eugene, already know my wife and have maybe heard the story. Please pass this on, hopefully, any parents who have kids going into the public schools will read it.

When I met her she was just finishing up her B.A. In Math education at UC Santa Cruz; not only did she graduate with honors but was well liked by her professors and fellow students. She was passoinate about teaching, especially, to those who did not have much social capital.
She chose to get her credential at Mills College in Oakland; one of the top two teaching schools in California.

She graduated from Mills and went straight to teaching at a middle school in our neighborhood. Though is was difficult she did well and so did her students. She taught there for five years then moved to Eugene. She has been teaching High school for the past year and things have not been going well for her.

Within the first couple of months she had several (seems that way from my perspective) students request to drop her class. She had parents complaining about her banning calculators and that their kids were not passing. This seemed to go on for some time with her coming home feeling depressed and incapable of teaching. She also did not feel that she was getting support from her principle but when asked how her department head felt, she would perk up and say that her department head liked her.

Finally, at some point in January, a retired math teacher came in to observe her class. Her report was that she was doing a great job and is a competent math teacher. That lifted her spirits for some time and things were much better for a few months. Now that the school year is winding down one would think that things would get better. She is having more kids dropping her classes, she has had one really difficult parent conference, and has been coming home in tears almost every day.

Granted, I am not a student in her class, I am biased. The only times that I have directly experienced her teaching is when she helped me with my algebra classes and when she tutored our eleven year old. ( I passed with an A, and my son knows his multiplication tables and is doing well in his pre algebra classes.)

When she comes home feeling like dirt and tells me that her students are just smirking at her because they know that mom and dad will pull them from her class if they blame her for their bad grades; it puts me into a very bad mood. She had one parent insist that she be suspended from teaching.

It just seems so utterly pathetic to me. How can they really be blaming her for their kids failure? If their kids are not doing well they need to look at what their kids are doing wrong and look at what they are doing wrong. Teachers are professionals they have studied what they are teaching and are aware of the standards.

Maybe things will be easier next year.

Rampant Animal Abuse

Yes, the title does suggest that the end is near, the sky is falling.....( I don't really think that)

What does this article say about our society. Is this an isolated problem, geographically speaking, or is this type of thing something that happens all over.

15 goats in herd grazing on brush shot, killed

The Bay Area has not had a mass shooting like those in Columbine and Virginia tech for reasons I can only speculate about. And the explanations for those events were that the killers were disturbed. Senseless killings happen there, one of the consolations for some of Bay area residents is that shooting victims are usually gang members. Why does it make a difference? Sure if you are not involved in that life you are less likely to get shot. However if someone can just shoot a bunch of goats what is to prevent them from doing the same to people?

What leads people to do this sort of thing? Is it boredom? Lack of self respect? It could be any number of reasons. It comes down to the availability of a weapon.

Why My Four Year Old Never Sleeps

Me: Ruthie, you look tired!

Ruthie: I can't sleep.

Me: But I saw you sleeping last night.

Ruthie: I was just resting my eye's.

Me: Why don't you like to sleep?

Ruthie: Because it makes my brain die.

Well, there ya go.

Am I a slacker mom?

I did that "what type of mom are you survey?" according to them I am a Zen mom. That their survey found that I am zen was not surprising but I am still not a mom.

Mothers Day

Mothers day at our house is a relatively quiet affair. The kids are still a bit young to really do anything for her and Charlie still does not know that he and mommy are not the same people.

I wish the wife a happy Mothers day then she calls her mom and I call mine.

What do I really know about my Mother? She brought six kids into the world; she wanted more.
She wanted to be a full time homemaker but by the time her last child was 3 years old she had to get a job.
That was disappointing to her for several reasons; She really believed that her place was at home making sure all six of her kids and her husband had an orderly place to live and healthy food to eat. From my perspective that is not such a bad thing to want even though her choice was heavily influenced by her religion, that is part of why it was devastating for her to have to work full time.

I was not a particularly bad kid; I always went to school, I would not have ever dreamed of missing church, i n that way she never really had to worry about me. What did cause her concern was that despite my good attendance at school my grades were always really low. (If you have read enough of my postings you may notice that my ability to punctuate is suspect).

Things got harder as I entered my teens. I struggled with depression and my (pop-psychology moment) self-esteem was low. I am not sure how much of this she was aware of. Moms, even dads, are pretty aware of how their kids are; it is what to do when your kids problems seem more complex than just hungry.

As I aged I became more interested in dance clubs, doing funny things with my hair and wearing black; I am positive that this made her worry. I don't know that she suspected it, but I do know that my school principle and maybe some people at church thought I was doing drugs. (I never tried anything until I was about 21.) By the time I was 16 my mom seemed pretty overwhelmed, not just by me, but by the demands of her other kids, my dads depression and suicide attempts, her job and probably by her wish that life would just go the way a faithful Mormons life should. (husband makes decent money, mom does not have to work out of the home.) Mom seemed to weather all of this fairly well. There were times when I could tell that she was sad; mostly, when there was bad news she would sigh and keep going.

When I did not go on an L.D.S. mission, I am almost positive that what insulated her from disappointment was that she must have realized that her kids were going to do what they chose regardless of what anyone else wanted. And the best that she could hope for, for me, was that
I would end up a happy, ethical, person with kids who she could visit. I have happily provided this for her and I can tell she is happy because when she visits she does not give me that disappointed look then sigh and walk away.

A Reply For The Alpha Mom

I have been thinking about the wonderful comment you left in reply to A View From The Non-Alpha Male.

At the end of your comment you asked: "Why are people so quick to judge."

I said that the Register-Guard article rubbed me the wrong way then did not articulate the reasons. I just went ahead as any bully would do and just put in that I would like to vandalize your house. My reaction was more to the article than it was to you so, maybe I should just puke on it. (it went into the recycle bin like all the other old papers)

From the article I perceived you as being someone who feels as successful as a parent as she felt at her career. Careers and parenting are, as I am sure you well know, completely different areas; not even comparable. The article suggested that you have pulled this parenting thing off with the help of technology and the ability to make play dough (Do you have a recipe for this? Is it edible?). This is why I judged you the way I did, that you commented the way you did, so early in the morning, makes me doubt my judgement.
To feel successful or even to have the appearance of being a successful parent is one that many parents covet. The marketing companies and diaper fabricators and the television companies know that and want to exploit it so that they can continue to be profitable. In my small family I have found that there is nothing that anyone can sell me that will make me feel on top of things. In fact technology tends to limit those precious parenting moments when you ...(gotta change a diaper) say " ahhh all is right with the world lets sing Khumbayah. " (We really did sing that yesterday)

Once you feel like you have a handle on things the rules change. One year Dr. Sears tells you that everything is fine and don't worry about your 6 month old's cough; then suddenly you are sitting in the principles office wondering why your 4th grader mouthed off to the teacher. (That happened; not with the same kid. There is nothing that can really prepare a person for parenting, I agree that some things can make it easier on a person: foolhardiness, confidence, a relaxed attitude, (yes the house is a wreck; but hey my kids are happy), someplace to get away from the house and relax (a good meditation hall works well for me).


With two kids at the ages of 1 and 4 (Same as mine) I am sure that you know quite well what I am talking about.

Two Wheels.....No, Four Wheels Good

Today, as I was riding my bike with the kids in the Burley, I had a flashback. I was ten it was June, I was riding my bike down some road in West Jordan. I felt free like only a kid can feel.

In reality (yes, thats right, reality rears up it's ugly head) when I was ten I would not have been pulling a bike trailer with two kids whose combined weight is somewhere around sixty pounds.

I digress; on days when I justify using the car I am much more stressed out when I get home. Even driving here is not a big deal but time spent in the car, I find, is not nearly as relaxing or freeing as time spent on bike. In a car you don't get to take anything in, even the unpleasant stuff....like garbage in the creek, that is not such a problem.

I have railed on cars before (What a waste) I won't do it here. For a few minutes as I was riding the path along the creek I had a sense of Eugene as two separate cities ( of course in a city of 160,000? there are 160,000 different cities.) One that is car based (searching for parking spaces, waiting a traffic lights, buying gas etc) And one that is a little more relaxed; people getting around on bikes. Finding parking is not problem, all you need is something good to eat in order to fuel up. The exercise is usually enough to reduce stress. I know that Alpha is a lot happier now that she commutes to work everyday on her bike.

Daddy My Heart...

"Daddy, my heart got out of my body and went away. It is walking down the street."

The four-year-old told me this after she waited too long for me to read to her and put her to bed.

A View FromThe Non-Alpha Male

Alpha Mom?

I hope the link works. You have to read the article before my commentary.....

.......

Did you read it?

Ok this appeared in our little local newspaper, which, is not the NY Times or the Portland Oregonian. It does a pretty good job of giving us the news.

But this article just rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons...... I have to wonder if the guy who wrote it realizes how totally ridiculous it is. My first reaction to was just one of world weary sighs. Then I launched into my usual hyperbole.
A type people bother me anyway and then we have to read about them too....so naturally after reading about this woman's lifestyle (I feel sorry for her friends that the guy interviewed) The best action I could come up with was to go puke on her front porch.

Then I thought about it....I would first have to find out where she lives, then I would have to figure out when I would have time to do such a thing. (seems like a lot of work) Then I would have to figure out a mode of transportation, (take the bike and put the kids in the Burley...oh ya then I would have the kids with me. That would slow down the escape. Or drive the car, I could put the old California plates on the Vanagon) With the kids along I would have to plan to go to the park and bring snacks. Of course if I were to puke I would have to have a recently full stomach and I would be in need of food afterward. If I have the kids we will have have snacks and possibly go to a cafe near the park.

No, puking on her porch is way too much work; I suppose if I were an Alpha parent I might be able to pull it off and even have time to play the wii (whatever that is) afterward, while giving the chef and maid the week off. But I am just a low achiever with no real shopping goals or marketing directions.

Maybe I will just blog about it.

May Day

Happy May day!!!

Go out an support your Union.


Unions are great things.....They gave us the eight hour work day and some of us the 5 day work week. But sometimes they just seem to get in the way.

As at home parent I don't really need a Union, I am almost constantly in negotiation with my bosses. Sometimes I am the unsympathetic Dictator and other times I am just a clueless war monger. (If your brother tries to take your toys, Ruthie, hit him back but I might have to intervene by imposing sanctions. Then when your military is at its weakest I will invade for made up reasons, depose you then.....wait she's my daughter.)

Seriously folks. My only real experience with unions is through my wife. When she started teaching for OUSD(Oakland Unified School District) Things were looking really good for us; The new superintendent was raising teacher pay. Just months into my wifes first year or so, oops! the district discovered that they had lost 100 million dollars!! The sup gets tossed out with the bath water, and replaced with state appointed administrator. The Union says "oh gosh, the teachers would love to help. Here we"ll take a 4% pay cut. But you have to promise and cross your heart that the pay will get raised to present levels."

Of course the pay was never readjusted and the teachers protested and, it seemed, the teachers were threatening a strike for the whole 5 years my wife taught in Oakland. It made me wonder why the union leaders were even there.

Finally, last year, the state administrator and the union came to an agreement. (just before we left Oakland and the administrator moved to SoCal) They would "raise" teacher pay by 6%. My Wife, the math teacher, after looking at the numbers assured me and everyone we knew that they had not really received a raise at all. (of course I realize that without divulging the numbers non of this makes much sense)
Chronicle Article

Again, I think unions are a great idea but sometimes they end up screwing the workers and not supporting them.

Charlie is climbing.

Everything!!

A few weeks ago I heartily encouraged Charlie (the one year old) to climb the little "climbing wall" on the play structure at the park. Charlie more or less figured it out, he made it to the top, with a little help from me.

Either to impress me even more or he is just exploiting his new found skill to it's fullest; he has figured out that he can now climb the chairs and get on the kitchen table. While he was sitting on the table eating his sister's left over cereal I tried to explain to him that he was breaking the law. He just smiled and kept on doing what he was doing. I pulled him off the table and said "no more climbing on the table." he seemed intimidated....really.

The wife and I figure that he will continue to climb and eventually fall off. In thirty years he can work it out in therapy (sob.......why didn't they stop me.....sob)

Not my favorite way to spend Spring Break.

I can remember all those years ago when I was in high school being excited about the prospects of Spring Break. Spending the whole week camping in Southern Utah or just hanging out with friends in town. Now Spring break is totally different.

One of the nice things about being a high school teacher the wife gets all the same breaks as the kids, so she has the week off. Last year we spent that week visiting Eugene OR to see if we wanted to move here. Then we visited her mom for the last couple of days before driving back to Oakland.

This time we are not having as much fun. On Monday I had a minor surgery that will hopefully prevent my wife from ever getting pregnant again. So, I have spent the last two days sitting around. (that does not sound so bad) I hate it, I would rather be spending my wife's time off traveling with her or actually getting a bunch of yard projects done.

Sure I am getting time off from taking care of the kids but it is difficult for me to not want to help out while my wife struggles to get things done and take care of the kids constant needs.

21st Century Girl

Words that my three-year-old knows that I did not when I was six.

1) Sushi- This is number one. I knew about Chinese food, not Japanese. Of course in Utah no one that I knew of ate raw fish.

2) Cafe- Ok there were plenty of Cafes, at six I knew the word restaurant or Mc'Donalds. My daughters concept of cafe is very different from the one I had growing up. Cafes are where daddy gets lattes, which brings me to my next word.

3) Latte- I knew about coffee; to me it was something only Non-Mormons (bad people) drank. Lattes on the other hand were not something I knew anything about and I doubt that there was a single place in Utah( especially not Provo) in the mid seventies where one could be had. My six year old self would be utterly shocked that I partake of it.

4) cell phone- this one has less to do with culture and more to do with the advance of technology. I mean, my parents had no clue about PCs, VCRs etc.

I know there are many more words and concepts than this little list. I will re-post this when I hear them.

Wonders of Nature.

Today we went to the Willamette river park way and took a walk. While we were walking past the playground, after Ruthanne finished protesting our not going directly to the playground, she asked: " why did they build the river next to the playground" I asked why she thought they did. She replied " Playgrounds are a good place for rivers because they are beautiful".

I then explained that The river was there long before the playground. "you mean, like, TEN YEARS!" Longer......(she was stumped) " A Hundred? " At least. Ten is a really long time to her... one hundred is forever.

What are televisions for?

During my sons last visit to the Dr. He (the Dr.) explained that television is just plain bad for kids under three. I knew that the medical community has been urging parents to cut back the amount of hours that kids spend watching the tube but I did not know that they were suggesting none to the younger set.

His explanation is that TV gets in the way of a toddlers main job, exploring. Well this is not a problem in our house, we don't have a television and have no plans of getting one. The kids are absolutely free to explore, make a mess, chop wood clean floors....o0h ya and surf endlessly on the Internet for hours.

No we don't have television but we do have high speed dsl. The wife was sick the other day, she spent most of here time looking at things like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX_dGiPV6P8

She is not the only one guilty, in our house, of spending a lot of time on the Internet. I am here a lot and I am possibly more addicted to it than I was to TV, the amount of actual time is much less.( I used to spend hours in front of television)
Fortunately though this does not affect the kids as much. They are not terribly interested or enthralled with much of the content that I view. (mostly blogs) So, while I am sitting here reading short blog articles about someone else's kid's pooping habits; my kids are running around exploring the medicine cabinet.......oooops.

I Miss Oakland

Let me qualify that statement; I don't miss the loud cars, the traffic the thugs on High street and in city hall. (Maybe with Ron Dellums this will change, I did vote for him with the hope that he would bring some unity to this diverse city. (Real diversity is a difficult thing, especially when people would rather stick their tongues out at anyone whom is slightly different than have a civil conversation or debate.))

I digress, I don't miss being in traffic for four hours a day, and I don't miss Kyles mom. Mainly I miss all the people who were friends or becoming friends. I miss the East Bay Dads (and Camille), they are always good for breaking the isolation of full time parent hood and helping to expand your beer pallette. So far there is no Eugene dads, the two or three at home dads I have met did not seem at all interested in getting together. They seemed to enjoy being the ground breaking maverick at the Library story time. (This is where parents "network")

I miss the neighborhood playgroup, possibly filled with the hippest moms in the known universe. We almost never talked about accessorizing the baby or compared prices on strollers; if ever anyone bragged about a baby gear find it was because they got it for free or from GoodWill. The few moms that I have met don't seem interested in including us in any of their activities.

Ironically, a couple of the coolest parents I have met are also "from" the bay area. Could it be, that living in a place where there is so much negative crap going on, it makes you more willing to accept and even befriend someone who is a bit different?

All About the One year old.

Charlie is now a bit past his 13 month birthday. (Strange how we classify babies birthdays; I mean, at 35 when you are asked how old you are you don't reply: " I'm Four-hundred-twenty Months old.") I didn't get it and I could not keep track with the first two kids. It's easier for me now) They change a lot from month to month besides when someone asks, especially another parent, it is a point of pride to tell them your kids age while they watch your child flawlessly run circles around their 14 month old. ( parents are not known to brag about their child's development. ("little Charlie is only thirteen months old and he has climbed Kilimanjaro, did I mention the counter-proof he wrote on string-theory.")

At 35 change does happen but is so subtle that it takes work to notice it. We don't always notice that we are changing until it seems huge. (nothing really drastic is happening. This blog was supposed to be about Charlie.)

Charlie started walking about a month before his first birthday and has gone form walking to running, dancing and spinning in circles. (funny how babies resemble Dead-Heads) When I took Chas to his one month check-up, the Doctor handed me one of those development check-listies. ( Does your child pick up things and put those things in things? Has your child figured out how to take those plastic "safety locks" off the Poison cupboard doors? (Chas does this, I am embarrassed to say I am proud that he has thwarted mommy and daddies Fascist ways).

The Dr. asked me if Chas was walking with help, ( I had Chas on my lap). It took me a second to reply; when I eventually did I said "no." As the Doctor told that I should not worry, Chas would learn to walk without help; Chas jumped out of my lap and ran to the exam table to inspect the electrical chord and socket. (That kid has perfect timing)

There is so much more I could say but, right now, Charlie is stuck in his chair at the kitchen table demanding to be fed.

blogging

As is usual for me, I have been trying to write a thought provoking entry on drinking during play groups, nothing is happening. " Are you dead upstairs"? you ask. Maybe because I haven't written anything in so long.......(Charlie be gentle with the cat!)...Crises averted.....where was I..hmmm... Oh ya .....(Ruthie! Put your diaper in the...No I don't want it....put in the garbage...in the ....you can you are a big girl) ....ok yes something thought provoking... The phenomenal and the absolute are two sides of the same thing, they are one mind...wait that's not it.

Something about why it is ok for parents to have a drink during playdates. Forget it, I need another cup of coffee. It's about socializing, it won't damage the kids if they see their parents drinking.
Unless, the parents are alcoholics of course; and the drinking is so excessive that the parents can't take care of the kids. Or let's say that people bring the kids to the "playdate" and plug their poor kids into the dvd player, and the only actual playing going on is between the parents.

Don't kill the poor kids brains, let them play, they will learn a lot more if they are free to run around.

Enough said.

Testimony Meeting

(I have a few short stories I worked on during a writing class; here is one I would love to publish.)

I wanted to beleive .

The church choir sings "Put your shoulder to the wheel." The bishop prays. He welcomes the congregation to come up in turn to bare their testimonies. After a few long seconds they begin to trickle up.

I am sitting in the pew thinking about Darth Vader's army and wondering if their spaceship will make it here. What would happen if the Empire tries to take over Earth? Would Luke Skywalker and the Rebellion save us?

Church members get up and speak about how God has touched them. They talk about things they have done that make them feel they are not worthy of Jesus' love. Everyone has a slightly different story but they always find that they do deserve his love.

Darth Vader could not kill his son. He killed Emporer Palpatine in order to save him. Vader's love for his son brings him back to being Anakin again.

A little boy gets up to bare his testimony. His mom comes along to help. She whispers in his ear, then he speaks : "I know Joseph Smith is a true prophet. I know Jesus loves me. I am grateful for my mom." He then realizes that he is standing in front of the whole congregation and freezes up. His mom picks him up and carries him back to their pew.

I want to get up. I walk up the aisle take the stand and talk into the microphone.
" Darth Vader is just like Jesus." I say.
My face turns red, palms start to sweat. My stomach turns into a knot.

"He let himself die to save his son... Luke Skywalker is us!" The people in the fornt row give me unsure grins. The other boys in the congregation start to snigger.

I stop. The congregation is silent, every exhale I take fills the air with my nervousness. I walk quickly from the podium and out of the church into the bright summer day.

It is warm, I loosen my tie and roll up my sleeves. I look at the mountains towering over our church. Clean and shimmering in the dry summer air. I wish I were up there, in the trees, drinking snow melt.

My sister appears from inside the church, she finds me and tries to bring me in. I sit defiantly on the freshly watered grass.

I tell her that I just wanted to talk but all I could think about was Star Wars.

Another Edifying post about me!!

I am 44% Punk Rock.

Well, I may know what punk is, but... Okay maybe some people think I am punk, but is that enough? Nope.

Take the
Punk Rock Test
@ FualiDotCom

I already knew this. And I did not have to take yer #@$$%$ test to find out. I don't have the Ramones vinyl but I do on tape. Now I am going to put safety pins in my ear lobes and listen to 7 seconds.

I am 51% Goth.

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.

Take the
Goth Test
@ FualiDotCom

Yes I "was" Goth....And I would like to point out that I was More Goth than this Idiotic test. I mean what is The Crow and why did they not ask any questions about the Hunger instead? Now I am going to put on my Bauhaus album, burn some candles and read the Raven.

Transition.

I was in the middle of packing boxes for our big move to our wonderful new house. The wife had started her new job teaching math, so it was just me and the two littlest: the three year old and the...lets see...crawling (yes) eight month old. ( Do you get the picture one is old enough to have developed reasons for doing things (making a mess) the other just does them without thinking at all.) There I was trying to pack and I have these two rushing headlong into the land of chaos. For every little thing I packed they unpacked three or four and scattered them all about the rental.

What did I do? Well I did what any sensible parent or person would do; I joined them. When their mother came home and took them to bed I packed and moved stuff.

I like babies, it's true. I suppose that is good since I am surounded by them (technically one is not a baby).
Babies are a blast to watch when they are learning to crawl, Charlie is learning to do this right now.
He sees a toy, a dried up peice of food or an electrical chord and decides (you can watch his expression change) he must have that electrical chord in his mouth. He gets all geared up and pushes himself backward, this is accompnied by all manner of squeeling and grunting. When He realizes that he is further from th electrical chord than he was when he started out, he looks up with that "please father, help me. I absolutely must have that chord in my mouth. Would you kindly pick me up and put me closer to it, so that I can experience the electrical chord more fully?" look.

At which point I pick up a suitable toy and put it within arms reach of him. This new toy becomes so exciting he has completley forgotton about the electrical chord or that great peice of dried spaghetti, whew.

I have a baby asleep on my chest. aaah.

House being sold

Our house is now on the Market whew. I actually will not begin breathing again until it is sold.

Here is a link to our house www.2900maxwell.com.

Anyway, we were going to wait until it sold to try buying another home but.... My wife saw a house here in Eugene that she loooooves, She could not just let it go, so we put an offer on it. The offer was accepted ( a funny aside. It all happened at the Oregon Country Fair. We put the offer in Last Friday ( seventh of July) before we went to the fair because the sellers wanted to look at and decide on an offer before they went to the fair. Later that evening right before the fair closed our realtor met with the sellers realtor at the Fair drum tower. He then met the sellers at the same place when they gave him the news.)

We are all loving life here in Eugene, I have gotten more exercise here than I did in Oakalnd and I have stopped using the car on a daily basis. (We will see how that works when it starts raining again.)

Movement

We have moved! Yes, the sweetened condensed, canned version is that we packed up a couple of trucks and moved to the great Northwet. We have been in Eugene for about two weeks; it still feels like a vacation to me.

I just arrived back from Oakland, I had to go down so that I could check out the house a week before it goes on the market. The trip was to be an easy one, the boy and I drove down on Sunday spent the night at a friends house; then,on Monday morning I planned to go look at the house, spend a couple of hours tying up last minute things and finally socialize with friends or maybe even go to a show or two or three. But no! ( to anyone who is having thier house worked on in order to sell it, meaning you have a deadline, supervise the workers from start to finish, I made the mistake of assuming that the guy I hired was taking care of everything I had asked him to.)

I walked into the house at 10:00 Monday morning and did not stop working until 11:30 Monday night. Then on Tuesday (Independance Day) I spent three hours in the morning, while the painter took the day off, and three hours in the evening working at my house. I had planned to spend Independance day being independant of course. I did mange to go to a Barbeque for about four hours though, so all was not lost, I just did not get to see any fire works.

Then the fifth ( Wednesday) the day of our deadline, I showed up at my house around 9:00 am, the painter did not show until 10:00. I told him the day before that I had to leave the house at 2:00 so I could drive back to Eugene (about 650 miles from Oakland) and that I needed everything done by then. He left at 1:00 for lunch and did not come back untio 2:30. in the interim I hired my neighbor (who is also in the remodeling biz) to go to my house and be me so I could come home.

Great new addictions.

The new baby is not so new, he is now a healthy, robust almost four-month-old.
( I know a lot of people who can tell you, if you dare ask, how many weeks and days their young babies are. I consistantly lose count after the third week and revert to " he's a month old" or "almost four-months.") He is still a very smiley baby.

About a month ago his sister had pneumonia we spent a hellish week staying indoors (it was also raining) while she recooperated. During this time I became hopelessley addicted to a web based game called Puzzle Pirates. (I am not including the link because I don't want to be held responsible for new addicts.) When you sign up to play you get this little piraty character that looks vaguely like a Lego person dressed in pirate clothes. You play a series of puzzles connected to sailing a ship, building ships, swordfighting and drinking. Your little character makes pirate money and can buy things like ships, houses, clothes and swords.

It is far to much fun and life like. Any way after Ruthie had her pneumonia The little one came down with a fever and was found to have Bronchialitis, he spent two days in the hospital. So he is this really pleasant kid but he has to go and get sick. Of course with two sick kids I spend another week waiting for them to get well and fall deeper into game addiction.

Toddler: " I like to use a boat to wash my hair and sometimes ducks."

The look of the oppressed.

Today the 2 1/2 year old was attempting to set up camp in the middle of the kitchen floor. She had a large blanket spread out and was about to bring all her gear (despite the fact that the entire living room is dedicated to her toy's) when I stopped her.

"Please don't spread the blanket on the kitchen floor." In my most reasonable tone of voice.

"Why?" (Hey who the F*** are you man.)

Then she gives me this look of the eternally oppressed. (My people have been suffering for years. I must have the blanket and all my stuff here.)

I reapeted my request again, she replied: " No, I want it here."

I tried logic next. "you have the whole living room to play in, take it in there." Then without a word the ten-year-old walks in and says to the toddler "Hey you can use this as a cape." Problem solved, the blanket comes off the floor, toddler runs out of the room as a super hero.

Beat Dad.

Beat Dad.

So, after two months with my wife home she has gone back to work and things are "normal" at home. The house stays dirty, the kids's diapers don't get changed and I don't get dressed and nobody complains.

Parenting: More Fun Than A Night Club With A Barrell O Monkeys

Charlie is almost two months old and man, am I sleepy.

He smiles now , it is not just gas, he looks at us grins and coos.

Now we are juggling two younger children and the needs of a ten year old boy who is trying to figure out algebra and have a good time.

It is easy for me sometimes to resort to fantsizing that I stopped after the oldest was born and imagine all the things that I could be doing in a couple with one part time kid. (I coulda' bin a sta) Oh well.

My wife and I went out on a date a week ago to see Rev. Billy C. Wirtz...now..ok yer saying. A date wow.... This is a big deal. We did not leave the 2 year old with a sitter until she was 2, the sitter was my mom. We left Chuckles with a sitter at the ripe old age of 6 weeks. The sitter in this case was not remotely related (not entirely true, we come from the same town and the same religion) Anyway DW(dear wife) commented, that it is a shame that we have been living in the SF Bay area for six years and have not gone out to many shows. We have been busy having kids, which is energy sapping and financially intensive.

We could have gone to all kinds of shows if we had stuck with the part-time parent model.

A Trip To Salt Lake City

(This is Grandeur Peak. I used to hike to the top of this, then get all introspective, go home and listen to the Cure.)
(The Mountains and valley are tilted, a bit, more than I remember them being but still just as beautiful)

No, we did not go there to ski. Just thought I would get that out of the way just in case you were wondering.

A couple of weeks ago, the wife and I rented a van and packed the three kids into it ,with our stuff and hurdled ourselves across Nevada. It took us about thirteen hours to get to Salt Lake City, we did this with only a couple of melt-downs and no snow storms. ( but a strong blizzard is a great way to make a long trip more exciting.)

It is always a bit strange for me to go back to Salt Lake City (I lived there for 28 years and have only been away for 7). It is like when you go to your parents house and find your old room partially remodeled or same decor and mom is using it as an office. Every time I go back I expect it to have remained the same as when I left, only to find that there have been drastic changes.

The other difficulty is that I never really wanted to leave. Several of our trips there have included talk of moving there. The housing prices are lower than the Bay areas and the schools are in better shape, so there are good reasons to move there but the reality is that we will not be moving there.

Sleep is for WHIMPS!

(or people without newborn children)

Utah and Mormon Culture.

I hope that my title did not scare anyone away. This is not a rant per se, I am not about to complain about someone else's culture but have to get this off my chest, I grew up Mormon in Utah so this is about my culture.

An L.D.S. ( Latter Day Saint: Mormon) friend of my wifes lent us a made for Mormons by Mormons, movie titled Singles Ward. I watched it with a certain amount of trepidation; it would not be funny, I would have to explain all the jokes to my wife, it would be too much like what they show in church.

I was surprised at how funny it actually was. The director really had a good time with Mormon cultural norms, without making fun of church doctrine and without a bunch of jokes about its polygamous past. The funniest part of the movie, for me was when the main character has a "spiritual"(spirchtal: in Utah speak) epiphany and begins to "bare his testimony" when his three friends (who provide most of the comic relief throughout the film) interrupt him with " who are you talking to" and " you were starting to sound like a seminary video." (every Mormon kid in high school is expected to spend part of their day in religious instruction, taught by church approved teachers.)

Being able to bare witness to the belief that the LDS church's teachings are true, in most Mormons stories, is a climactic moment. That the film maker was able to lightly mock that particular moment in this characters story was nothing short of amazing to me.

Despite these moments and jabs at Mormon culture, deep down it was a pretty typical Mormon story. A guy, who has grown up in the Mormon church, falls into inactivity after divorcing his wife. (The ex wife , a convert, decides she has had enough, leaves him and the church.) He ends up meeting a beautiful Mormon woman and is compelled through "sexual attraction" ( Women in the church stories are always portrayed as being much purer than the men.) to come back to the fold. He resists a little but eventually sees the truth has an epiphany and comes back. He, of course, "marries" is sealed to the woman who has managed through love, purity, perseverance ,not to mention the best looking woman in the singles ward, to bring the wayward son back. Mormons love this story and is not to surprising that these Mormon movie pioneers used it as a vehicle.

How non-Mormons in the movie are portrayed was what bothered me the most. They basically spent their time smoking, drinking beer, and laughing at Mormons. The sentiment seemed to be that the only reason to leave the church or to remain a non-member was so you could do what you want; as if non-members are a bunch of perpetual teenagers smoking and drinking because ruining their bodies is really what they want. This stereotype is not so surprising, I remember while growing up that if I saw someone smoking I immediately assumed that they were lost and possibly evil. This rule applied to people who I spotted buying beer or going into a bar, since I never did see anyone actually drinking alcohol, I had to assume that they were partaking of those insidious beverages that were forbidden to me.

This typical, non-Mormon stereotype, is another way that Mormons are able to support their beliefs. If you have fallen away from the church, it is because you don't want to give your time to God and would rather spend that time on more worldly pursuits. Never mind that plenty of former Mormons leave for philosophical reasons and not always because they would prefer beer over worshiping God. (If it were just about beer for me I would have gone back years ago.)

If you don't know anything about Utah-Mormon culture many of the jokes won't make sense but it is a good look at what the culture is like. If you are an ex-Mormon you may find yourself laughing one moment then rolling your eyes the next.

Poster Children for re-production.

My daughter with her infectious grin, probably getting ready to attack me.






My two sun's.

Controversy anyone?

Warning this post conatains strong opinions.

I read in the paper yesterday the description of the Right to Life march in SF; As usual a bunch of people from outside the bay area trying to show those heathens in SF that they are out numbered.

The organizer of the march had asked that the marchers keep the gory photos home and to please tone down the rhetoric. So, the "right to lifers" are trying to appear moderate instead of like raging lunatics who in their religious fervor like to kill "killers." Maybe that comment wasn't fair. I tend to believe that, most people who would like to see abortion criminalized, really are quite peaceful and probably would be more comfortable being percieved as moderate and not lunatics.

But by wanting a complete ban on abortion does not put them in a moderate category, the moderate veiw is pro-choice. Yes, pro-choicers are the moderates. Pro-choice does not equal pro abortion or anti- child or anti life. Pro-choice means you give people the freedom to decide what is right for the situation they are in.

If Jack and Diane, who are no more than eighteen, get pregnant, Jack should do his best to support Diane while she carries the child. They should work together and make a decision that will work for them like adoption or raising the child together. Unless Jack raped Diane, or Dianes life is at risk. Then and only then should Abortion be an option. If Diane thought about getting an abortion and asked my opinion, I would tell her that I think it is a bad idea. The two women I know who have had abortions look at it as the worst thing they have ever done.

It would be great if every woman who becomes pregnant does so, when the pregnancy is desired, and if it is un-planned could make a choice that spares the life of the child. If they do decide on Abortion then they should be able to get it in a clean safe environment. And access to counseling afterward. Despite any one else's opinions.;


What makes my stance pro-choice is that I don't think my personal beleifs about abortion should become law. If you really want to end abortion, education is what is needed.

It is almost three weeks since the new one came into the outside world and I have been comparing him to his older sister almost constantly. It is inevitable I suppose, I compared everything she did to her older brother or rather I compared my experience with the older boy with raising the girl.

Already at three months I can see the differences of personality, he is a calmer person, we could see that while we were still in the hospital. He did not cry when the nurses came to check him. Infact, one nurse took him from me when he was sleeping, placed him in the bassinet changed his diaper and checked his temperature; he did not even yawn, his eyes stayed closed. When they did that to the girl she was absolutley livid.

Resolved

I set out a couple of weeks ago to blog about my wifes ongoing pregnancy. I hadn't given it enough attention, I felt, and it was in it's final weeks.

I would have written about how anxious we were about having it all be over. (not ALL of the big it, just the pregnancy) But it was the holidays my mother was here and there were the kids to keep busy shoveling manure. Any way as the last week dragged on towards the end of the year, it was all to obvious that we were not going to have another tax break for 2005, I decided that I would write a list of non-resolutions.

The first on my list was greet my child sometime after the new year... and that was the last resolution. He was born on Monday the second of January. Thankfully there is no more pregnancy to write about.

Waiting.

At 3:00 am my wife anounced to me that she was having contractions; I bolted upright in bed and began timing them, they were four minutes apart. Considering the speed at which our daughter came into the world when she was born, (about 186,000 mps) we figured that this was it, that this pregnancy would end as quickly.

We called our support people who had to drive in from out of town; after that, as we predicted, her contractions slowed down to point that she was having mild contractions, that she could feel, once an hour.

Later, after the support people showed up, the midwife wanted my wife to have her blood pressure checked. So, at about one o'clock we went to the hospital to have it checked. The midwife said that if it was high we would have her induced. After about two hours and three different blood tests, it was judged that my wife and baby were fine and the labor was normal. We were sent home.

Now, the wife is racked with guilt that we called our friends at o'dark thirty and asked one to drive for two-and-a- half hours, the other for an hour and a-half; she is frustrated that we had too ask my mom to change her flight, so she could stay and very frustrated that the baby is still inside her and not outside her where I can share the burden.

So, we are stalled right now but enjoying the company of friends, who care enough to give up their time to watch the baby and sit with my wife. I am equally grateful to my mom, who is the dedicated grandmother to thirteen grandkids for staying for an extra few days.

Everything and everybody is ready except the Baby.

Albums

A couple of the other Dad Bloggers have posted either their favorite albums or albums that changed their lives. I like this idea so, I will give it a go.

1) Diver Down by Van Halen
I actually bought this on vinyl at the Grand Central store down the street. I loved Eddie Van Halen's guitar playing, they were my favorite band during my early teens. I owned it just as much for the music as to impress my friends.

2) Erasure- I can't remember the name of the album, but my buying it and liking it was nothing short of controversial amongst my neighborhood friends, who approved of my two album Van halen collection. Going from rock to synth-pop reflected a change which I thought of, at the time, as sophistication. From there I started to listen to Depeche Mode, Yaz, New Order etc.

3) The Cure- The Head on the Door. I heard this album in it's entirety on a local SLC radio station. I was home alone and it was late; for some reason the radio was not getting great reception so, I listened to it through the static. The next day I had to ride the bus all the way downtown to find it because the local K-mart did not carry obscure bands like the Cure.
Though I still liked synth bands, from this point my tastes started to get darker.

4) The Mission U.K.- Children This band was formed by the guitarist for the Sisters of Mercy. The lyrics, I can't recall that well but the music comes from the Led Zepplin book of rock music (Houses of the Holy) This is not surprising, their producer was John Paul Jones.

5) Bauhaus- Press the Eject and Give me the Tape. I bought this because of the song Kick In the Eye. I was a senior in high school, it was 1989, I went to a school that was filled with suburban red necks. The school was fairly cliqueish, though the stoners, metal heads and the little group of prog rock kids all hung out together, so the cowboys couldn't intimidate us. Still, I was pretty angry and listening to this really seemed to calm me down. This album has "Bela Legosi's Dead" possibly the campiest song ever written and a rocking version of "Ziggy Stardust." (My wife insists that Ziggy Stardust is supposed to be a ballad. Yes, if it is part of the Ziggy Stardust Album. I think it works just as well sped up with more distortion)

6) The Waterboys-Fishermans Blues. This is filled with great songs, "Bang on the ear" to Riding in a strange Boat. It really represents the first time I listened to any music that included un- plugged instruments and songs that could possibly be classified as country. It really was the Mandolin on some of the songs that did it.

7) Cowboy Junkies- Black Eyed Man. My girlfriend and I had been together for about three years and had come to a point where it was time to split up. I bought this album because I had heard "Murder in the Trailer Park" and liked the imagery; little did I know, when I bought it, how dark some of their other songs were and how much Margo Timmins voice would sustain me over the hundreds of miles that I would drive after the break up. Also worth mentioning other albums that contributed to my soundtrack at this point, were: Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine and Downward Spiral; The Jesus and Mary Chain- Psycho Candy; Screaming Tree's- Uncle Anesthesia and Pearl Jam-Ten.

8)Jerry Garcia, David Grisman-Shady Grove. This was the first Folk album in my collection. I attended my first Blue Grass concert with my Gilfriend and her parents, (we went to see Hot Rize)- it was 1990- My girlfriend and I were the only people there who were wearing all black. I loved the whole show, they were wearing suits, all their instruments were acoustic and some of the songs had the same speed as a Ramones song, and some were as dark as a Cure song. From that point on, I listened to the blugrass show on the local public radio station, KRCL. I bought the album six years after I became a fan of Folk music.

It was David Grismans handling of the Mandolin that motivated me to buy it. It is a great album because they played so many old folk tunes, I remember listening to it constantly in the car, at home and at work. It represented a change because it was the first time I had willingly bought, an album that had Jerry Garcia on it; it totally changed my perception of him as a musician.(he had been dead two years by then. May he rest in peace) To me he stopped being this dried up musician from another generation but an actual musician.



9) The Submersians-Save the Cave Train. This album was significant to me for several reasons, it is the first album I own that is strictly instrumental (Surf). I used to pop it into my CD player after work on cold, snowy days, turn up the volume and roll my window down. In my car, I would imagine that I was walking along west cliff in Santa Cruz, watching the waves and the surfers. Also it is the only album that my friend Jessica plays guitar on and features the "hit" song Cape Lugosi a surf version of a popular Goth song. Surf music is straight ahead rock, no lyrics to mess up your head, just guitar riffs and drumming.

10) Last but not least Woody Guthrie- This Land is Your Land (the Asch Recordings). I bought this because of Woody Guthries straight forward guitar playing, his lack of rythm and ability to carry a tune and mainly to get a history lesson. He was a critic of the rich and powerful, politicians and the unpatriotic. Many of the songs on this album were written during the Dust Bowl (Do-Rei-Mi) and has three different versions of This Land is Your Land one inclding a lyric that was not taught to us in Elementary school " There was a sign there/that say's private property/ on the backside it didn't say nothin'/ that side was made for you and me."

I could go on and on, there are so many more I could talk about, that ten is plenty. There are many bands that I have liked for years but never got around to buying or listening to their music, until recently. For example, I always thought that the Beatles were a bit over rated until I heard the White Album, and Abbey Road; the Clash, I did not get into them until recently, they are probably the best band to come out of the British Punk scene. May Joe Strummer rest in peace.

Sometimes a great notion.

So, I had this well written, intelligent and witty posting about a current affair. I was in the middle of polishing it up to post for my adoring public, when...well how can I put this... reality, in the form of a neked two year old, came over and peeed on the floor. Then climbed up on my lap, jumped up and down then deleted everything I had written.

Now, instead of ground breaking opinion about current events, here is a blog about being a stay at home parent.

If you want to win that pulitzer or wow people with your writing, find a child free environment (Daddeeee I waant mmmy big girl pannnt....dadeeee uuuuaaaahhhh)

If only I had figured that out before I had kids.

Why?

The Toddler has reached that critical stage that all two-year-olds reach; the why stage. Her response to almost anything is why. She informed me, yesterday, that she would like an apple. I told her that I was very sorry to deny her request but I could not give her one. She, of course asked why. I told her that we did not have any apples. Well, if you have not guessed her next question, then you must have started reading in the middle of the paragraph. (it's ok i do it all the time) Yes, she asked why.

Wel,l I did the only logical thing in this situation, I said nothing. Rather than explain to her that we haven't been to the store to buy them, I thought it best to leave it there. My explaination to her question would have only lead to more why's and eventually I would have to explain evolution to her. Honestly, all questions lead to that or to the big bang theory, so it has to stop somwhere; why not where I can prove the answer?

All toddlers do this. When the Boy, who is nine, he did not just ask why, he would ask " but why daddy?" It was as if he was grappling with the deep questions of humanity.
I would get sucked in time and time again, to thinking he did want me to explain the theory of evolution or where God came from etc. But no it really was just a toddler ploy; he had figured out that why is as powerful as no, with a few extra words why is even more powerful.

My daughter does seem to be more practical than her brother though, she does not mess around with philosophy. If I tell her no, she may ask why but will not wait for the answer at all. She will try to get the thing herself, she pulls her high chair to the counter climb up and grab what she wants, and hold on to it while I wrestle it away.

The boy on the other hand is a born negotiator. He figured out at an early age that with some things, he can make me change my mind by convincing me that: 1) he will share with me 2) it is good for him. 3) I don't let him do it so, he should be able to (that ploy never works)

We have explained to him that if he is going to try to negotiate like an adult, then he needs to act more adult and use the proper language and methods. Then he will be free to negotiate that second glass of root beer, or extra ice cream.

No two kids are alike, even if they are in the same family.